Should your child (or mine) *have to* share? No.
Do you or I *have to* share? No.
I’ve been thinking this idea over for some time now and I’ve felt pulled both ways for various reasons. I’ve spent the last few months trying to keep my mouth shut when Elijah and I are with other people and their children. When E and a friend start to argue over the use or ownership of a toy. I was more interested in what the other adults had to say and thought to do, rather than what the children might end up doing.
Believe me it is hard to keep your mouth shut, especially when you get the feeling that the other parent is drilling holes into your head with his/her eyes, because you are not ‘making’ your child share. Somehow, I have made it through this with all my wits still together.
Because I respect my son’s feelings, personal autonomy and of course his personal belongings, I don’t ‘make’ him share. If something is his (meaning it belongs to him, was purchased by or for him, etc.) then he has the right to share or not share it and to do so with or without a reason — that reason need not be ‘acceptable’ to anyone but himself either.
I know that I have said no to my friends on plenty of occasions when they’ve asked to borrow something. I’ve always been respected and no one has even tried to make me feel awkward or shameful for not lending or giving something out. Does my son or your children not deserve this same social arrangement, respect of personal property and autonomy?
In my search online to find other parents’ ideas about sharing and whether or not it really is caring, I found a wonderful article by Ela Forest (majikfaerie) and in it Ela speaks about how she handles sharing with her daughter Sequoia Littletree. The article sums up exactly how I feel about the subject. Enjoy.
I think the message is clear — you would rather not have a ‘party’, because YOU don’t find it necessary. Point taken and heard loud & clear. I love you Elijah.
