Comments on: ‘Good Enough’ Parenting http://www.naturalattachment.com/wordpress/2008/10/14/good-enough-parenting/ “Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but they are more deadly in the long run.” -- Mark Twain Mon, 07 Nov 2011 04:53:25 -0500 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.5 By: michele james-parham http://www.naturalattachment.com/wordpress/2008/10/14/good-enough-parenting/comment-page-1/#comment-613 michele james-parham Tue, 21 Oct 2008 06:41:24 +0000 http://www.naturalattachment.com/wordpress/2008/10/14/good-enough-parenting/#comment-613 My childhood wasn't peaches & pie either...I think both of my parents simultaneously used all 12 roadblocks mentioned in P.E.T. during every waking moment of my life while living with them and still continue to at times! I have often thought it is 'unfair' to compare today's parent to the parent of yesterday or to parents in more tribal cultures. However, we can learn so much about ourselves and why we do the things we do when we compare them. We can also recognize areas where we can change for the better. I also honestly believe, aside from extreme cases, all parents would act in a more loving and intuitive way if they didn't spend their every waking hour being told by an *expert* just how they are wrong to do what comes naturally from the heart and more often than not told to do what comes naturally from the experience of tuning out our heart's messages. In our hearts, we don't want to be manipulative, punitive or non-accepting, but our culture almost thrives on just these things and we have been, in a way, brainwashed to act in these ways -- even when our hearts scream at us to NOT do the things we do. And no, I don't think we should spend every minute second guessing ourselves...that speaks of striving for perfection, which can NOT be achieved. However, we allow ourselves so many 'teachable moments' every day where we CAN be better if we choose to do so -- why wouldn't we want to choose to be better in these moments? My childhood wasn’t peaches & pie either…I think both of my parents simultaneously used all 12 roadblocks mentioned in P.E.T. during every waking moment of my life while living with them and still continue to at times!

I have often thought it is ‘unfair’ to compare today’s parent to the parent of yesterday or to parents in more tribal cultures. However, we can learn so much about ourselves and why we do the things we do when we compare them. We can also recognize areas where we can change for the better. I also honestly believe, aside from extreme cases, all parents would act in a more loving and intuitive way if they didn’t spend their every waking hour being told by an *expert* just how they are wrong to do what comes naturally from the heart and more often than not told to do what comes naturally from the experience of tuning out our heart’s messages.

In our hearts, we don’t want to be manipulative, punitive or non-accepting, but our culture almost thrives on just these things and we have been, in a way, brainwashed to act in these ways — even when our hearts scream at us to NOT do the things we do.

And no, I don’t think we should spend every minute second guessing ourselves…that speaks of striving for perfection, which can NOT be achieved. However, we allow ourselves so many ‘teachable moments’ every day where we CAN be better if we choose to do so — why wouldn’t we want to choose to be better in these moments?

]]> By: :::::::::::: wife mom maniac :::::::::::: http://www.naturalattachment.com/wordpress/2008/10/14/good-enough-parenting/comment-page-1/#comment-611 :::::::::::: wife mom maniac :::::::::::: Tue, 21 Oct 2008 04:51:41 +0000 http://www.naturalattachment.com/wordpress/2008/10/14/good-enough-parenting/#comment-611 *sigh* I have mixed feelings about this. In cultures where the extended family, vs. the nuclear family are the norm, parenting is much more intuitive and they are lucky to be free of overthinking things, parenting is a joy for them, they live in child friendly cultures where children are treasured and valued. My inlaws never overthought their parenting, they parented how they felt like it, often imperfectly, but raised two wonderful sensitive sons who are close to their parents and who are very devoted fathers themselves. Their parents are Italian and Croatian, and stubborn in the European way, they'd never think to overthink or spend hours analyzing their parenting, and in some ways, I think parenting was naturally more enjoyable for them because of it. Me on the other hand, I had a fucked up childhood so I spend so much of my time overthinking my parenting in order to not repeat how I was parented, though often the overthinking contributes to worse parenting by me, because it stresses me out! Gordon Neufeld talks about how naturally older cultures parent in his amazing book "Hold on to your kids", have you read it? The one thing he has in common with unschoolers is that he places great, great value on the parents relationships with their kids, he attributes this to why some cultures seem to parent more naturally without needing to think about it. Anyways, rambling here. Not sure it's in everyone's best interests to always be trying to do better or to question whether what they are doing is good enough. I sure wish I didn't have to, and I admire many healthy and wonderful families who don't. *sigh* I have mixed feelings about this. In cultures where the extended family, vs. the nuclear family are the norm, parenting is much more intuitive and they are lucky to be free of overthinking things, parenting is a joy for them, they live in child friendly cultures where children are treasured and valued. My inlaws never overthought their parenting, they parented how they felt like it, often imperfectly, but raised two wonderful sensitive sons who are close to their parents and who are very devoted fathers themselves. Their parents are Italian and Croatian, and stubborn in the European way, they’d never think to overthink or spend hours analyzing their parenting, and in some ways, I think parenting was naturally more enjoyable for them because of it. Me on the other hand, I had a fucked up childhood so I spend so much of my time overthinking my parenting in order to not repeat how I was parented, though often the overthinking contributes to worse parenting by me, because it stresses me out! Gordon Neufeld talks about how naturally older cultures parent in his amazing book “Hold on to your kids”, have you read it? The one thing he has in common with unschoolers is that he places great, great value on the parents relationships with their kids, he attributes this to why some cultures seem to parent more naturally without needing to think about it. Anyways, rambling here. Not sure it’s in everyone’s best interests to always be trying to do better or to question whether what they are doing is good enough. I sure wish I didn’t have to, and I admire many healthy and wonderful families who don’t.

]]> By: Dilasari Hidayat http://www.naturalattachment.com/wordpress/2008/10/14/good-enough-parenting/comment-page-1/#comment-597 Dilasari Hidayat Wed, 15 Oct 2008 03:33:10 +0000 http://www.naturalattachment.com/wordpress/2008/10/14/good-enough-parenting/#comment-597 Yes, being a parent and a spouse are the two most important jobs in the world. If everybody try as hard as possible to be better parents also better spouses, then we could have a far better world to live in along with all sort of people who are kind as well as trustworthy to live with. Yes, being a parent and a spouse are the two most important jobs in the world. If everybody try as hard as possible to be better parents also better spouses, then we could have a far better world to live in along with all sort of people who are kind as well as trustworthy to live with.

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