Natural Attachment

Did I mention that we can read? Well, we can. Rather, Elijah can now…hubby and I have been able to read for some time it seems!

I guess the ‘reading’ ‘started’ (yes, both of those words are in quotes separately on purpose) almost 4 months ago. Or would one say that he’s been learning how to read since he was born (that’s what I would say). He started talking before he was a year old and I would assume that ever since he has had words in front of him (that he could focus on) and especially when those words were given sounds from someone reading to him, he’s been learning to read. He was over 3 years old before he knew the ABC song…I just never taught it to him — He already knew the alphabet in & out of sequence (both cases) before he was 3; who needed a song?!?! He’s been able to recognize and spell an ever growing list of words since he was about two years old…I believe his first few words to recognize & spell were: stop, Ikea, on, off, mum, dad, Elijah, cat, Lain (cat’s name) & dog. There were others as the days went by, but that was the core few for awhile.

Sight words began to increase as more and more was read to him and as his library of books grew & grew. There were plenty (and still are) mornings that I would find him in his room in the middle of a pile of all of his books that he’d pulled off the shelf one by one to ‘read’. Who knows, he might of very well been reading those books at age 3 & 4, but just not feeling the need to ‘prove’ or share the fact that he could really read.

Oh, the incessant questions: “what does this say?”, “what do these words spell (letters were words)?”, “why can’t I use numbers in words?”, “why do cat & kite have the same sound, but different letters?”, “how do you spell___?”, “why did you spell out bath to daddy?”…and so on. Each one of these and at least 2 million others were promptly answered along with the math ones too (“what is 2 plus 2?”, “how do you say 65,468,432,985,617,631,793,536?” and others)!

Then I realized about three weeks ago that he can read — Actually read, not just ‘first grader regurgitate a lengthy list of sight words from worksheets’ kind of reading, but actually read whole entire sentences and figure out words by sounding them out. This has also correlated with a huge explosion in writing and that lovely phase of ‘invented spelling’, which he’s been doing for some time, but it’s at full force now. When I announced this to William, he said something to the tune of,

“Well, we did everything right. We didn’t tell him he had to read or when to read. We never forced him to read. We read to him all the time, just about any time he asked us to. We read constantly and have our lives full of books & magazines [and blogs]. We never tried to teach him how to read or what the alphabet was or any of that.”

And I threw in there that we (or at least me) never had a date/age that he ‘needed’ to be able to read by. AND most importantly, we never talked ‘baby-ese’ or ‘baby-talk’ to him — we have always talked to him like he was an equal, without altering our vocabulary (unless clarification is asked for) and by properly labeling people, places and things. I would have had the same ‘when did this triumph sneak up on me’ feeling if he was 9 or 12 or 18 when he learned to read. And that’s what it was for me…it sneaked up on me. I guess because most parents are biting their nails hoping that today is the day that their kid will read. I am only concerned with what our plans are for the day, not what if any milestones will be achieved.

I realize that the majority of parents worry about their children reading for two reasons. First, they know that in school you have to be able to read by the magical 6 or 7 yr mark or you will be placed in remedial classes and probably made fun of by other children or even reprimanded by teachers — many of us found our selves in this very predicament. Second, most parents (er, read: most people) have this idea that you can not learn anything if you can not read. While I agree that being able to read does make one’s life easier & does afford a person less dependence on those around him to read for him, it does NOT mean that he can’t learn. The history of humanity is full of brilliant men & women who couldn’t read well or at all and many that never experienced anything resembling a forced education (er, I mean proper schooling).

I am sure than many people would be appalled at my husband’s statement “we did everything right…” and evermore appalled that I agree with him completely — and did you know that there are plenty more of us out there too. I already know that there are people who will pipe up about how it only worked with our kid, because he’s our kid (that makes sense if you know us…we’re pretty damn brilliant if I may say so) or because he’s probably ‘gifted’ (whatever that really means) and they would swear that their children would never learn how to read, because as it is now, their children hate reading. There is probably a reason they hate reading…they weren’t ready to learn to read when it was crammed down their necks. Did you know that most parents fear that if their children can not read by the time that they are entering Kindergarten that they are already behind? What are most Kindergarteners taught…the alphabet, sight words and so on…’real’ reading instruction begins in first grade. This doesn’t mean that daycares and preschools aren’t trying to get 2 year olds to recognize, spell & write their own names and more asinine things, but we do have to remember that no child shall be left behind (er, or something and I always thought that 2 yr olds liked to play with blocks, dolls, playdough and mud, not read & write).

Where oh where did we go so wrong with our children? It might possibly be that adults don’t value play and they don’t understand that playing to a child is hard work, how they make sense of their worlds and more importantly, how they learn. By forcing them to ‘learn’ (not that you can force someone to learn anymore than forcing them to sleep) or perform (in a way that mimics learning) proficiency in reading or any subject of your choosing before they are ready or interested, we set them up for failure or at best mediocrity. Let the children play; remove ‘scaffolding’, time tables & limits, rewards & punishments and make their lives full, exciting and share their passions — they will learn an ton (of what they need) if they are in control over when, where, why, how & what they learn. Thankfully, everyone is learning ALL the time, even those who are being force fed knowledge…hopefully they aren’t learning too much about using their will over another, manipulation or that learning can’t be fun.

I’m off to go read something, you should too…if that’s what you want to do!