Natural Attachment

June 30, 2009

Just Say Yes!

One of the first pieces of advice parents get from other peaceful/mindful parents or unschooling parents when they are trying to release their need for control is, “just say yes”. The idea is to find a way to say yes to everything that you possibly can…barring those things which could cause serious harm. And when harm is a possibility, find ways to say yes to part of a request or offer a slight tweak in the idea/plan to avoid possible harm. It is always possible on some level to say yes I am finding (reminding myself).

Yes feels right. Fluid. Flexible. Adaptable. Yes feels loving. Light. Comforting. No feels wrong. Rigid. Unmoving. No feels defeated. Cumbersome. Finite.

I am usually a ‘yes-mum’, but lately, for unknown reasons, I’ve been saying some nos. I realized it today while looking back over the last few weeks. The days when I felt crappy and negative were the days with nos. The days that weren’t joyful were days with nos. The days I had old tapes playing in my mind, were days with nos. So, I thought that I’d bring some good advice for ‘newbies’ and myself. Just say yes!

Letting go of control

Just Say “YES!!!!!”

Finding the Yes

The most Hands On way of being Hands Off

Sandra Dodd on “Saying Yes”

“We can be our kids partner in helping them get what they want in life or we can be the barrier that opens or closes according to our whim.” Beautiful quote from this piece.

Saying “YES” to Children

Yes!

How are you saying “yes”? Can you commit to one day of yeses and then two and before you know it, possibly an entire week? Where could you go from there?

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Bits & Pieces & No Hugging

Dress up is always evolving around here. It comes and it goes. The latest installment is Elijah as DJ Lance Rock of Yo Gabba Gabba.

DJ Lance Rock

DJ Lance Rock

DJ Lance Rock -- some more

DJ Lance Rock -- some more

We also revisited a gift from Great-Grandma from awhile back. We made snakes.

snake

snake

There are always battles going on over here. Lately, beating each other silly with cardboard tubes is where it’s at…

on guard

on guard

Then there was that whole street-wide yard sale. All the houses on our street decided to have yard sales on the same day. It turned out fairly well. Despite the rain threatening to drench us all it was a great day. The best part was having all the neighbors out and seeing each other visit, swap and have fun. One neighbor even brought out the grill and started grilling up food to sell and for the other neighbors…but she’s just awesome like that anyway :) Alas, no pictures.

On Sunday we had our First Annual Ice Cream, Jazz, Water Balloon/Gun and Champagne Fun Fest. We opened our house to pretty much anyone and everyone. It was a success. People of all ages and backgrounds came to hang out, pig out and make friends. Our first visitors showed up a little after two and the last visitors excused themselves around 9:30 or so. We still have SO MUCH ice cream it is sickening! The good news, is that we won’t have to buy it for awhile :)

I learned that I am not the person to fill up water balloons, because I turn them into deadly weapons. Apparently, you are supposed to fill them up really full, which I didn’t do and unless you were line-driving them into people, they wouldn’t pop. Next year, I will recuse myself from that duty and we’ll just stick to buckets, cups and squirt guns. I have to say that it was really fun despite my death bombs!

Again, alas, there are no pictures. I am beginning to think I have a problem. Is there a way to surgically affix a camera to one’s self?

I managed to get 13 seedlings/plants in the ground in our home garden after picking up the yard yesterday. Hopefully, they will make it and we’ll be eating more from our yard soon. I wasn’t on the ball this year for some reason. I think I have just been so overwhelmed with all the BIG things we’ve been planning and getting ready for and the ones that we’ve already adventured through.

And last, while pretending to be DJ Lance, I told Elijah more about how school children are not being allowed to share in the human experience by way of hugging. Here’s his reaction in a photograph:

really, are you kidding me? no hugs? people are weird mum.

"really, are you kidding me? no hugs? people are weird mum."

Really!?! I mean really? (thank you Seth Meyers) No hugging? At what point are you allowed to be human at school? Wait, at no point, because that would mean that your autonomy would be respected and you could think critically and realize that you’d be much better off living and learning in the REAL WORLD and not in a brick box only reading about the Real World all day.

Ban hugging in school? Is it wrong that I totally agree with the little story in the beginning of this…”Well,” said the mother. “You did what you felt like doing — and so did he.” Don’t just think you can hug my son — try asking or waiting for him to make the move.

You There! No Hugging!

Where Students Can’t Hug

I say, all these tight-ass school board types need some Free Hugs, because obviously they are deprived of human touch and love.

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Monkey Platters in June

Again, sorry that I am behind in posting pictures of Monkey Platters. We had been really busy cleaning and planning for a street wide yard sale and then turned right around and did it all again for a party at our house.


Strawberries* & Blueberries*
Chick Peas*
Nori Sheets cut into triangles*
Tostitos Scoops


Dill Pickles* & Black Olives
Wild Wood Patty on Multigrain British Muffin* w/ Vegan Mayo*
Pretzel Nuggets * Jelly Bellies
2 Apples*

Sunflower Seed Butter & Apricot Jelly* Sandwich
Carrots*
Apple*
Green Grapes*
Dill Pickles* & Black Olives

*organic

That’s all I have right now…it’s been REALLY busy around here.

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4th CSA of 2009

Filed under: Grub,Photographs,Pittsburghian — Tags: , , , , , , , , — michele james-parham @ 10:17 am

A little late posting about last week’s goodies, but I was rather busy getting ready for a party (more on that later).

Beautiful Rainbow Chard

Beautiful Rainbow Chard

OMG perfect basil...seriously

OMG perfect basil...seriously

Boun-tee-full

Boun-tee-full

What do we have here?:
Md. bunch Rainbow Chard
Lg. bunch Basil (the most aromatic basil I’ve ever smelled)
4 super long Green Onions
3 Radishes
6 Garlic Scapes
2 sm. heads Broccoli
Sm. bag Mesclun Greens
Md. bag Spinach
Md. head Bibb Lettuce
Huge head Green Leaf Lettuce
3 Zucchini
Md. bag (approx 2.5#) Sweet Peas

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June 18, 2009

3rd CSA of 2009

3rd CSA bounty

3rd CSA bounty

garlic scape peeking through

garlic scape peeking through

STRAWBERRIES!!!!

STRAWBERRIES!!!!

broccoli, parsley & radishes

broccoli, parsley & radishes

In this week’s crate:

2 lg. heads of green/red leaf lettuce (we left one behind, as we are still swimming in greens)
Medium bunch Kale
Huge bg. Spinach (anyone else close to me need some?)
Sm. bg. Salad Spring Mix (Mesclun)
Sm. bg. Oregano & Garlic Scapes (personally my favorite part of garlic)
2 brimming Qrt. STRAWBERRIES!!! (we aren’t sick of ‘em yet!)
Medium head Broccoli
5 Radishes
Sm. bunch Curly Parsley

After we picked up our goodies, we headed across the street to Hoi Polloi. I do believe we will be doing this every week (provided I can afford to buy us a drink and whatnot). The people there are so nice. **To the lady who recognized me at Hoi Polloi, I didn’t catch your name…**

Square by Square; Mr. Potato Head

Square by Square; Mr. Potato Head

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Strewing

Filed under: Radical Unschooling — Tags: , , , — michele james-parham @ 1:45 pm

On one of the online unschooling lists that I belong to, Alex posted a long list of fantastic quotes about strewing. I thought it should be reposted somewhere and I want to have it for me to remember.

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How Much Strewing? and can there be too little?
The goal is a satisfyingly-immersed-in-life present – not finding ways to sort of trick a kid into learning something.
Pam Sorooshian

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I think that “strewing” is a way of creating a rich environment from which children can freely pick and choose. It is *not* a way of slyly constructing a curriculum that includes all the requisite subjects, like math, science, literature, history, etc. Some folks hear the word “strew” and think, “oh, okay, so I can strew that science book or math book or classic.” That, in my mind, is not what strewing is about; that’s replacing a canned curriculum with a manipulative one.
Danielle Conger

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I’ve heard of unschoolers who say they never bring home anything for their kids – because they feel that puts subtle pressure on them to learn what the parents are promoting. I say hogwash to that . I pick up stuff ALL the time – STILL do it and mine are 14, 18, and almost 21. If I see an unusual fruit in the grocery store, I buy it and take it home and put it on the table for others to notice. If a kid is in the store with me I might say, “Oooh look at this. Let’s take it home and cut it open.”
Pam Sorooshian

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I personally have three wicker baskets that all fit on my coffee table and I fill them with lots of interesting things; some things that the kids just have out a lot so I figured it easier to just leave it out, and some things that I just find interesting that I put in there and am constantly changing things out and putting new things in. It is amazing what sparks their interest! We are even taking those baskets with us on our year long motorhome trip!
Heidi
(fivefreebirds)

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Expansive Strewing

[Pam, to a mom who said her daughter chooses things to bring home, but the mom doesn't:] If YOU know that she LOVED Candyland, then you might pick up Chutes and Ladders because it is also likely to be fun for her – you don’t need to wait for her to ask for it. She might never happen to see it and might very likely never realize that it is a game she’d like a lot.
[Sandra:] And if someone’s interested in Chutes and Ladders, go online and look up Snakes and Ladders (and there are some online versions of it too), which is the traditional game from india on which Chutes and Ladders was based. It was a religious education tool for Hindu kids, and there are all kinds of gameboards. I collect them, and photos of them, and there were a couple on towels recently.
Let one thing lead to another for you. Explore. Not the mom pressing the kid to explore, but the mom exploring and connecting.
[Pam:] Or maybe she loves CLUE – she’d likely enjoy MASTERMIND – both involve the same kind of logical thinking. So – how is she going to know that?
[Sandra:] Neopets has two games that work like Mastermind, where one can not only explore that logic but also consider the computer programming that set those up. The games aren’t completely random combinations–they begin with the first colors (one click) and progress to patterns with the later colors. That becomes part of the strategy of solving those particular puzzles. Oh! Codebreakers is in the game graveyard (still playable, but not at the games link):
http://www.neopets.com/halloween/gamegraveyard.phtml
and the newer one is Time Tunnel
http://www.neopets.com/games/timetunnel.phtml
under games, puzzle games.
Public school teachers aren’t always as prepared as we wish they’d be for teaching their subject matter, right? Shouldn’t unschoolers try to be MORE prepared? A mom who’s going to help a child learn from the whole wide world should herself become ever increasingly comfortable with what all is IN the whole wide world, and how she can help bring her child to the world and the world to her child.
Unschooling should and can be bigger and better than school.
If it’s smaller and quieter than school, the mom should do more to make life sparkly.

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[Dragonfly:] [W]e’d love to describe some of the things you can do to make sure your son’s homeschooled life even happier and richer than his school life. I’ll start by describing something we (unschooling parents) all do. It’s called “strewing” and it involves making a wonderful variety of resources available to your kids with no expectation or requirement that the resources ever be used. These can be books, toys, or supplies left casually on tables or in bathrooms or presented quietly or with fanfare directly to your child. They can be posters hung on walls, craft or music or gaming activities that *you* start, Web pages left open on the computer, magazines subscribed to, alternate driving routes taken, etc. It is SO fun to do, and it creates an environment of discovery and fun in your house. The things you strew can be in support of interests your son has expressed or about just any old thing you think of. In the recent past, I’ve strewn my daughters’
paths by:
* Leaving http://www.WorldWideWords.org open on the computer to the page outlining the origins of the phrase “mind your p’s and q’s,” which my daughter had asked about in passing one day. (She read it and then continued surfing the site.)
* Taking the whole family to a dirt-bike event. (Fun for all four of us.)
* Bringing home some bargain books on poetry and art, plus a history book called “Lies My Teacher Told Me” — that really grabbed everybody’s attention! :-) (All three books have been flipped through, but it was my dh to read the history book cover to cover.)
* Bringing home a new XBox game, called Gotham Racing or something like that. (We’ve all played, girls laughed SO much together. XBox was on for at least a couple of hours every day for a week or so, now it’s been off for days.)
* Leaving out a book I already own about building catapults. (No takers yet.)
* Inviting over a friend and her 12yo son whom my girls had never met before. (A very fun evening. One of the highlights was my friend’s son completely un-self-consciously demonstrating a folk dance he’d learned.)
All this happened in and around all our usual activities. Actually, there’s been nothing usual about our schedule these past few weeks, which goes to show how little time strewing can take! But never doubt that your usual activites can provide a lot of strewing, too. In our case, we’ve been making arrangements for my younger daughter’s departure to England (lots of history and geography and tidbits gleaned), and I’ve been doing a lot of networking to arrange some get-togethers with local unschoolers because my older daughter wants to meet more people. And then there’s work and going to watch my dh earn his first Iaido (Japanese swordsmanship) ranking and, oh yeah, HOURS of prep work for my younger daughter’s 12th birthday party on Saturday – she wants to do about a dozen projects out of this wizard party book she found at the library. We’re making candied rose petals today – a first for me in several ways, and yet another example of how they strew
*my* path with interesting things. :-)
Unschooling really is a mutually rewarding lifestyle! My family has never been happier.
dragonfly, to a skeptical newcomer on unschooling.info/forum March 2006

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Manipulative?
There have been a couple of discussions in which people said strewing was manipulative and sneaky. I don’t see it that way at all. If I know what kinds of things my children could use being exposed to to be more well rounded, or to “fill in gaps” in what they know, or to take them to another level of understanding, bringing those things up in physical or conversational ways is no more “manipulative” than bringing more fruit into the house if there hasn’t been much fruit consumption lately, or bringing them bottles of water on hot summer days. I don’t need to force them to eat oranges or drink water, but I can notice it might be good for them and make it appealing. -Sandra Dodd

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“What else is there to strew?”
A mom wrote about strewing books. I wrote and said strewing books wasn’t the best way to strew. Below she quoted, me, asked a question, and I responded. (-Sandra)
-=-You said, “meant to say that strewing BOOKS is lame. If books are a small part of strewing, great! If books are a large part or ALL of strewing, no good whatsoever.”
-=-What else is there to strew?-=-
Everything else.
Things that have caught people’s interest here:
magnifying glass
prism
crystals for projecting rainbows
magnets
construction kids of various types
maps
scratch art paper
various papers, pens, stickers, glue, different things different times games
science bits -floating pig mirage, anti-gravity tops (another magnet trick)
sensitive plant
rocks
bugs
bird’s nest
new foods
magazine articles about things they’re already interested in
music
musicals
new jokes
interesting webpages
costume bits-hats, masks, funny gloves, feathers…
antique little things
imported this-or-that-carved boxes, printed cloth, fans, wood carvings
nerf toys-guns, rockets, balls
water toys, bubbles
games, puzzles
geoboards
“attribute blocks”-wooden shape tiles
foreign money
new bills to compare to old bills, $2 bill…
foreign stamps
trivia books (not quite trivia, but yesterday I left a little What would Buddha Do? book in the bathroom-I saw it moved twice, and now it’s not there. Somone carried it out to read elsewhere-so that was a book, but not a library book brought to the table, but a book I had had for years, put in a new place to be discovered)
photos (ours from older days, or other people’s of interesting things, or published photos)

out of the house to zoo, museums, flea market, farmer’s market, live performances of dance/plays/music
My kids have been interested in books and documentaries, but if I only “counted” that, or thought those were more valuable than the other connections, unschooling would fizzle.
Yesterday Holly and I were watching the pilot episode of Lois & Clark, The New Adventures of Superman. She was too little to have seen the show when it came through originally, but she likes Dean Cain a lot, and has lately started watching Desperate Housewives, so the Teri Hatcher presence would be a draw. In one scene they’re working late and Clark Kent says he’ll go out for Chinese food. They show with a map that he flies to Shanghai and comes back with string- bound bamboo steam baskets. Then they show them opening fortune cookies. I turned to Holly to say something but she was already saying “They wouldn’t have fortune cookies in China.” When she was doing research for a girl scout presentation years back she learned things about China none of the leaders knew-like that there WERE no girl scouts in China, and the Chinese flag wasn’t blue. (Yeah, not the greatest of troops.) But she also learned that fortune cookies are a U.S. invention, and she
remembered. Will that ever be on an SAT test? No, and she might never take an SAT test. But the writer and director and actors on that show seem not to have known.
Everything counts, and every connection made increases the depth and breadth of the map of the universe each person is building. It makes it easier to learn the next few things, because there are more places to hook the knowledge.
Sandra

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Deb Lewis adds:
***out of the house to zoo, museums, flea market, farmer’s market, live performances of dance/plays/music***
…and funeral homes…
Dylan and I have been watching the HBO series Six Feet Under. We didn’t get HBO and never knew about the series when it was on but a friend thought we might like it and loaned us her series on dvd.
I work at the local flower shop and we do A LOT of funeral flowers, talk to the family, spend time listening to the stories and in that way, I told Dylan, the flower shop is like the funeral home in Six Feet Under.
The other day I had deliveries to the funeral home and I stopped at the house first and grabbed Dylan. The guy in the casket was a man we both knew-not a friend, but a kind of famous character in the community who liked to write opinionated, angry letters to the editor of the paper. We had met him a couple of times at community meetings. He was blustery and frightening.
There he was, in the casket, the funeral music playing, the empty chairs waiting for mourners. We put the flowers in the right places. Dylan asked if I had made the casket spray and how I had known what size to make it and I told him we have casket spray stands that gauge the sizes for adult or child caskets. I said I’d show him next time he was in the shop and told him when I was younger and worked at a shop in Oregon we used to push each other around on the wheeled spray stands when the manager was gone. We looked around, looked at the dead guy. Dylan recited one of the fake commercials about embalming fluid from the tv series. The casket was *glorious* and I thought if I had one piece of furniture that looked that beautiful or was worth that much money I’d feel rich. And I hoped the casket wasn’t the nicest thing he’d ever had. I hoped it wasn’t the nicest thing his mom ever did for him.
***out of the house to zoo, museums, , flea market, farmer’s market, live performances of dance/plays/music***
Our town is small and we’ve been to the museums here more than once but we still find new things to do here. A new store opened so we checked it out and talked to the owner. The radio station moved from the residence of the owners to a building downtown and we took a tour. The mom-in-law of my employer got a bunch of fancy chickens and we drove out to see them. She showed Dylan a coffee table book about chickens. She showed us her little sun room where she grows orchids.
There’s always something to do, someone to talk to, some road leading somewhere.
Deb L

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Hope this finds it’s way to someone who can benefit from it. Thanks to Alex who posted it.
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"Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it." ~ Brene Brown