our stories – part 1 – who are we (if we stay closeted)?

“We spend so much time stifling ourselves. So many years spent trying to be who we aren’t, who we don’t even want to be. Gay, writer, witch – even things we think are no big deal, we often hide from the world. We hide from ourselves. We trivialize pieces of our identity, trying to be normal or small or unremarkable, because we’ve learned that that’s the way to be.” Being a writer is like being a lesbian

“Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it.” ~ Brene Brown

Owning up to and coming out about ourselves is simple, but hardly ever easy. These past few months have been a time of major reflection for me. A time to really taste, mull and chew on truths within and without me. To try and feel like me. Someone whom I’ve never truly felt like. Someone whom I’ve never actually been allowed to feel like. Life is too short to keep running from yourself.

Each of us has a story. Actually, most of us have many stories – some of them true and some of them just that, stories. Owning those stories can be really painful for ourselves and those around us, but it’s the honest thing to do.

So, for those of you who don’t know:

I’m a lesbian.
A married lesbian.
A happily-married-to-a-straight-male-lesbian.
We have-an-awesome-son-and-hopefully-equally-awesome-future-children-together lesbian.
My family-doesn’t-know-unless-they’re-reading-this-blog-post-now-(hi there!) lesbian.

That’s one of my stories. What’s one of yours?

Dido – Honestly OK

Side Note: Yes, I do realize that this makes two posts in one day! That’s fucking amazing! I was going to cheat and not publish this one until tomorrow, but that wouldn’t be very fun.

 
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13 thoughts on “our stories – part 1 – who are we (if we stay closeted)?

  1. Its so good to read your writing again! (Even though I see you on fb all the time, its just not the same!) And every time I read your blog I am inspired. I think so much of childhood is spent learning to repress your stories, and what I know of unschooling (thanks to you) seems like such an obvious way to keep that from happening. Thanks for sharing one of your stories that I didn’t know. I think I am too shy to share a story, at least that’s what I’m gleaning from the horrified blank stare I’m giving the keyboard. Anyway, thank you for being you!

  2. Here’s one of mine:

    My first lover was twice my age and married to someone else. I was naive, wounded, and desperately wanted that attention – and I knew that what I was doing went against my own morals. And still I kept on, because to find my sexuality with a man for whom I felt deep emotion was far too much for my damaged psyche to do. It was wrong, and it opened me up to the first way I was able to truly, deeply FEEL, and then express that feeling, without inhibition. In the end, I don’t carry shame or regret. The affair ended, and I had grown.

  3. @Stacey – No need to share a story that might trigger shyness… I’ve got way less exciting stories to share too! ;-) Glad to know that I inspire and I agree, unschooling is a framework for a Freedom that most of us never had and that some of us are just now sticking our toe into!

    @Shan – Thanks for sharing! That is definitely a story that leads to personal growth – hopefully not just for you, but for your ex-lover as well. Sometimes, we find ourselves at a place in our lives where our emotional sensory input just isn’t palpable enough and we do drastic things or take huge risks – and sometimes, we’re so lost that in order to find ourselves again, we put ourselves and our loved ones through crazy shit.

  4. One of these days I will reboot my blog and start sharing stories that would kill my parents if they knew. Until then, I will say that Michele is the best lesbian lover that I have ever had. And I am well qualified to make that statement…

  5. Glad to see you writing again. I like this story thing. I am judged for many things in my life – that I’m an adopted person – that I am 7 years older than my husband – that I have, in addition to my three youngests, an older child from a previous relationship – that I am a liberal ex-punk, ex-atheist who now chooses to send her kids to Catholic school. It is what it is – my life, that is – my choices, my past. Every story is different. Thanks for sharing yours ;-).

  6. So, wow! I’m a lesbian unschooling momma. I started looking for unschooling blogs, and yours was the first one I found that was recently updated. Makes me smile to know I’m not the only lesbian unschooler out there!

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