Natural Attachment

I think everyone that I know has experienced some kind of loss. I don’t think it’s possible to be human and to not lose something important or someone special to you at some point in your life – probably multiple times. There’s been a lot of literal and figurative loss in and around my life in the last few months.

But I’m still breathing. I’m still holding on. I’m still finding Hope stuffed away in corners of my heart.

Losing something because of another person is painful, but not as painful as losing something because of giving up. Not to say that there are definitely times to fight and times to forget about fighting. We do need a clear idea of what our priorities are, what is most important to us – otherwise we can’t make sound decisions.

Losing something because the Universe decides it, can seem most cruel. But, everything happens for a reason and in due time, everything works out. I believe this. I have to believe this.

I’ve lost two things recently.

Yesterday. I lost a person whom I really liked – not via death, but a kind of distance. This person had been a huge part of my world for the last three months. This person caused me to look at and evaluate a lot in my life – I’m thankful for that. This person made me feel good and made me smile. This person also caused a lot of upheaval in my life – that’s been painful (but pain is only weakness leaving the body). I wasn’t great at communicating with this person – I’ve not been great at communicating with myself or my husband lately either. I’ve learned a lot and squirreled away that knowledge for future reference. I didn’t figure out what I wanted/needed until it was too late. We all make mistakes or learning-takes and we all grow from them.

Last night. I lost a pregnancy. A pregnancy that had begun only four weeks ago at conception. My husband and I have wanted another child for years and we’ve had problems conceiving for one reason or another. I’ve had late cycles before, but nothing as significant as this in recent history. I didn’t want to get attached to this nor get too excited in an effort to diminish possible disappointment. I failed at the last moment. I’ll be okay. My body will be okay – bodies are pretty awesome at taking care of themselves. I’ve been stressed a lot lately. I’ve not been breathing like I should.

Yesterday was a double dose of loss for me, but I’m still here. Tomorrow will be another day. Today is always the greatest day of my life.

But, I can’t dwell on what I’ve lost when I have so much around me to be thankful for and grateful for. I am so loved and loved by so many – I have running water & electricity for crying-out-loud!

Tonight, I’m doing lots of breathing. Tomorrow, I want to start living again.

That’s my story of recent loss. Feel free to share one of your own.