This past Fall, I decided that I was going to make huge strides in being a more social being. I started off slow, but come Winter Solstice, I had a house full of people, children being loud & dirty dishes being found four days later in the oddest places. I want the house full, crazy & never clean, because there’s always people living here, not because I’m just a lazy ass who never cleans!

I figured if I could rediscover that flexibility that I used to have before I became a parent, I might learn something, find something, over come something & get myself back on the path I had fallen off of. Since the beginning of the year, I don’t think we’ve gone more than three days without there being someone at our house & often unexpected (the BEST kind of visitors). I’ve enjoyed this immensely. The more days we have with people in our house, the more I crave for people to show up & eat. AND eat they all do…man, I miss feeding hoards of people — I love it, I crave it.

This constant flow of  people in our home has caused me to relax more, get over or confront some of my most insane OCDs. Yeah, I’ll admit, in large, it’s been about me…it’s been therapy for me. I’m eternally grateful for the awesome people who are in my life & who have been making all this possible. I’m also forever indebted to my Dear Other Half, who thankfully is the patient, tolerant, flexible person who loves me, inspires me, puts up with me, goes to work for me, makes every day magic real for me & most importantly (as far as this post is concerned) encourages the chaos from the constant flow of people coming in & out of our home — he’s the best.

This year just seems like it’s going to be busy: awesome new neighbors (hi there Gyres), births to attend, gardens to tend to, meals to be cooked, mouths to feed, parties to play at & more chaos to be created. This year is going to be magical (in every sense) and for once, I’m NOT dreading it. I’m not being pulled along kicking & screaming.

Strangely, I am welcoming it all with my arms flung wide open like a little kid about to run in for the hug.

Peace & Love
Michele

I think a lot people who are new to unschooling benefit greatly from avoiding words or concepts like ‘teaching’ or ‘rules’. It’s kin to packing up/throwing away/lending out all your packaged curriculum & textbooks until you are convinced that learning really happens without all that, lest you be tempted after a week of ‘nothing’ but Legos & Cartoon Network to start trying to use them again.

It’s easier to find the *need* for & Joy of classes while fully submerged in an unschooling life, than it is to find the *need* for and Joy of an unschooling life while fully submerged in compulsory schooling.

For those of us who ‘get it’, it can seem overkill to eschew certain words…but over seven years ago (before I was a mother) when I started hitting the discussion boards and being reprimanded or corrected for word usage & certain beliefs, I was extremely grateful for the wake-up call. Having the words I use & the meanings I attach to them challenged was a good thing.

I hate that I have been doing this for so long that I’ve almost become ’sloppy’ with word choice & communicating my Value Set of Anarchism & Radical Unschooling…conversations like these are necessary more for those of us who have been at this awhile than for newbies.

I know my son *teaches* me tons of things on an almost daily basis. I choose to listen & *learn*, because I am genuinely interested in what he has to share (usually).

The other thing I wish I had addressed was about the difference between Unschooling & Radical Unschooling. Some people in the community really say that Radical Unschoolers are the only true/pure unschoolers…I might secretly agree with them…

I know I’ve talked about Radical Unschooling before & how I realize how you ‘could’ have an educational or academic only unschooling, but that the very concept behind unschooling seems to say otherwise. I find it hard to believe that if someone fully embraced the concept that Life Is Learning, that every waking moment & decision made is Learning, that they wouldn’t naturally find themselves leaning towards Radical Unschooling or Whole-Life Unschooling.

Let’s take sleep for an example. At any age, our children learn tons about themselves, their bodies & human nature when they, for example, experiment with bed times & varying lengths of sleep/sleep deprivation. What’s more important, *they* learn how much sleep *they* need & when *they* need to sleep. Us forcing them to bed when *we’ve* ‘had enough’ or when we think they should be in bed doesn’t help them find their own sleeping rhythms, but they DO learn not to trust us about sleep & that bigger/older people can use force over smaller/younger people.

I was going to use Media as my example, but I hate long debates about media. Media is flush with innumerable learning opportunities & resources. To limit media is antithetical to unschooling — whole-life or not.

There are some people who really *need* to have things in their life that they can control…it’s understandable, especially if their childhood was largely OUT of *their* control. I know several academic only unschoolers & have had plenty of conversations with them about their ideas, principles & how they view unschooling. They are great people who *need* things to control. They are loving parents, but not always as respectful as most of the radical unschoolers I also know. Their relationship with their children tends to be strained in areas where it wouldn’t be if they could find a way to give their children back some control over their own lives.

Invariably, their need for controlling things bleeds over into their children’s education, their ‘unschooling’. This leads to ‘pushes’, “heavy encouragement” (not my words), forcing of certain materials/classes/practices and ultimately, a not-so-child-directed education. It happens with an almost unnoticeable force from the inside. One day either their children speak up about it or they realize their own unhappiness with ‘unschooling’.

Life goes from, wear what you want to you can choose between the red shirt or the blue shirt. *That* is NOT unschooling.

I (and SO many before me) have seen, experienced & learned that there is a way of parenting or way of seeing Life & our interactions with those we share it with that is beneficial for unschooling, almost imperative for an Unschooling Life to be as broad & open as possible.

Yes, one can be a traditional parent or an ‘AP’ parent & ‘unschool’ their children in an academic sense, but I can’t help but think about what they AND their children could gain from shedding parental control issues & living an over all more respectful & consensual life with one another.

I’ll be back soon…have a million pictures for you & life updates. But for now, at least you know why I’ve been absent & that I didn’t fall off a cliff!

Peace & Love

~M

NEUC was our first big (by big, I mean more than 100 count) unschooling event. It was wonderful to be around so many families who are all striving to live in similar ways with one another as we try to live ourselves. It was fantastic getting to see a bunch of children of all ages running around (literally) with each other and not being intimidated by the adults around them, yet actually enjoying the adults around them. I can’t really convey the feelings of love, respect & freedom that I had while at the conference and do them any justice.

There has been a lot of talk on various blogs (I won’t link, but you can Google to find them) about two issues 1) “unparenting” at the conference and 2) making future conferences more “welcoming”. I want to address the 1st issue before I talk about my experience at the conference.

In a sense, I am not really sure what “unparenting” is (nor are a lot of people, but we all apparently know it when we see it). Concern has been expressed about the group of children who were running around (being children), the state of the art room, unattended children and some other things. First, if I can’t walk away from my child from time to time at an unschooling conference, where in the hell can I do it? I personally have been annoyed by many people who have been very judgmental in their comments about unattended children at the conference. Personally, I feel like it is my place and the place of many other unschooling parents who are already “there” and are not just coming into this life to be available for new parents at these conferences…available to hang with their children who don’t want to be present for presentations/talks and available to help out parents who are struggling while at conferences.

I hung out with one little boy many times at the conference who wasn’t yet 3 years old. His mum left him in the play room and he had a couple siblings who would flutter in and out every once in awhile to check on him. He was content to play dress up and only needed someone to help him in & out of costumes. His mum *needed* to be present at talks and he didn’t want to attend them. She felt safe enough at the conference to leave him in an un-staffed room. I met her and from the conversation I had with her, she was anything but an “unparent”. However, if her child had been a little bit older and running around with the group of 7 to 10 year old boys at the conference, I feel as though she might have been labeled as an “unparent”.

I know that I left Elijah or rather he left me on many occasions. This usually worked out, but there were a few occasions when he got busy and then forgot where I said I’d be and he panicked when he couldn’t see/find me. He was brought to me once in tears by someone early on the first day (thank you whoever you were, I never looked up, only heard a woman’s voice). I felt bad, but at the same time, I knew that he was surrounded by caring respectful adults who would have done their best to comfort him, if I or William truly couldn’t have been found. We talked about how to deal with things again if he forgot where I/William was or had a problem…end of story. I think I might have erroneously thought that it was safe to not hover around my child the entire time we were there — just like the little boy’s mum. I posted awhile ago about the two different kinds of playgroups & gatherings that we’ve been part of…I guess I assumed that large unschooling gatherings were like one really big “scene one” — maybe I shouldn’t assume that’s how it is, even when that’s how so many portray it to be. I found myself doing A LOT of “parenting” of other children and I never thought twice about it…maybe it’s NOT my “job” to have the capacity to parent whatever child is right in front of me at any given time (but that just feels wrong, anti-community and certainly anti-village).

Regarding the art room…really, I mean really? Do none of these people have crazy destroyed art rooms/dinning rooms/play rooms at home? Because they are lying if they say they don’t (I’ve seen the flickr pictures to prove it). Would it have been nice if the floor coverings weren’t destroyed, yes, but it also would have been nice if the floor coverings weren’t tissue thin plastic sheets.

Apparently there were children/teens (not sure which) who had ran up & down halls late at night or who had knocked on doors & ran…I don’t know, because I didn’t see any of that — that’s NOT cool & shouldn’t have happened, but what are you going to do…make sure it doesn’t happen again. I don’t think *we* were ever loud late at night in the hall…there was some pool noodle fighting with the lovely family across the hall (high C & B & family), but that was well before 10pm (which *I* feel is time for quieter things at hotels). The teens want, nay need, to stay up REALLY late, so I feel it’s important that they have the space to do that.

Now, to address the issue of the mob of children (mainly boys aged 7 to 10 yrs.) who were running around playing games, free running on the handicap ramp (which I would have predicted if I had done the walk-through when deciding on that hotel for the conference & did point out the night before when we were sneaking around in the conference area that there would be some free-running occurring on the ramp) and other means of mischief. Something was missing from this conference that I have seen over and over again from pictures & videos at other conferences…children playing OUTSIDE. Unless I was totally out of the loop, I don’t recall anyone playing outside, trying to organize anything outside and Elijah sure never told me that he was going outside to play with so & so or such & such group of kids. I truly don’t blame these children at all. They were contained to a building and mainly one floor of that building almost all day every day for 4 to 6 days…I would have been going crazy too! In the past 7 years that I have been vicariously riding the unschooling conference circuit via blogs, photo albums & online videos, I have seen at almost every event, a mob of children outside on a playground, in a section of the parking lot riding bikes/scooters/etc. or some similar place outside with a few “designated” adults — usually the adults were the parents of a couple of the children outside, but it usually appears to be about 5 to 8 children per 1 adult present. Why was there no one outside at NEUC?

On the other side of this coin, I was also missing a media room. I really thought that there would have been a room where we could have set up gaming consoles & such…maybe I was dreaming. I know that would have helped curtail some of the running about & done so in a positive, attractive & constructive way.

In the unschooling community and more-so the radical unschooling community, there is this goal of making sure everyone is “taken care of”. After talking to several families who were new to unschooling/conferences, I feel like a lot of the new-to-unschooling families at the conference didn’t feel taken care of. The main reason being that they had a choice of either go to talks to share & learn or hover around their child…hell, I even felt like that several times (I can’t imagine how I would have felt/coped if William hadn’t come with us). I’m suggesting a volunteer rotating staff, child-care or adopt a newbie program…seriously. I think a lot of people who “left” their children, felt like they had no real choice, but to either leave them & trust the community (which, I don’t feel is wrong) or to forgo any possible enlightenment being handed out in order to follow their children around.

Moving on to making these things more “welcoming”. I didn’t feel unwelcome, but there were a couple times (one in particular) where I didn’t feel all that welcome or included — in which case, I just got up and moved elsewhere or found a group of kids to hang out with for a bit (the children at these things are really fun to be around!). I’m not a group person and I have a hard time getting into a group, but it’s not as difficult with a group of unschoolers, because I don’t have to explain myself, my choices or my parenting all while everyone is looking at me like I just sprouted an extra head. I will agree that it can be difficult for a newbie when there are a lot of people at these events who are always there, have known each other for years or are just simply really out-going. I don’t think it’s fair to lay the blame on newbies or on conference veterans. I will say that it is much easier to “fit-in” (if you will) , when you’ve had a presence on discussion boards or have a blog that makes the rounds…people recognize faces and names — I had the fortune of having been on online discussion boards for several years & having a blog with lots of readers…so, I wasn’t *so* new, even though I was new at this conference. I have to think on this one a little bit more, but I’m sure there’s somethings we can integrate into future conferences to make it easier for people to “join the family” (so to speak).

Overall, I had a fantastic time, that is until I got back home and realized that I am NOT surrounded by respectful parenting in my everyday encounters. While these events lift me up while I am present, they do make it harder to get back into the daily routine when most of the parenting going on around you is mainstream, punitive & oppressive. I can almost liken the feeling to a sugar high…all these fantastic people & feelings, but then once the supply of sugar is gone & the processing done, then on comes the crash. The crash for me this time was pretty rough…I was angry, not just sad for the kids I’d see at the grocery store, the bank and coming from & going to school, but angry at their parents & society in general for how horrible it treats children & how unfriendly it is towards youth in general. I’ve dealt with my feelings, which took some time (hence why it’s taken me some time to write a post about NEUC) and now I’ve moved on…

…on to thinking about how great the Unschooling Cruise is going to be! It appears that it is going to be a small group, which will be nice & intimate. I can’t wait!

*organic

It’s been awhile since we’ve stopped in at one of our favorite coffeeshop, Affogato. Too long of awhile.

cafe computing

who knew rocks could be so fun?

There’s more graffiti in Bellevue @ Affogato.

Mr. Freaky Pants the 1st

stained glass

homemade Lego kits

E's first set of wheels (not counting my old trike); courtesy of my parents.

pirates! (dead ones at that)

extra snuggles with his favorite person

wine cork blow dart guns

people & somewhere there's pet rocks

new Legos

musical entertainment

cake, candles & wishes...there might have been some ice cream too!

I mentioned cake, right?

The following picture pretty much summed up the entire experience for Elijah.

WTF guys?

It was a LONG week. We cleaned. We ate. We shopped. We made stuff. We cried. We screamed. We made new friends. We learned a lot. We saw people. We broke things. We fought over toys. We bitched about random occurrences. We loved. We laughed. We got tons of phone calls. We opened gifts from many miles away. We sang (but not “Happy Birthday”). We will do it all over again next year…all while simultaneously hating & loving it!

Many “happy” returns, Elijah.

13th CSA: we didn’t get a 13th, because we were out of town and as a result, you get no picture!

14th CSA:

bounty

salsa!

15th CSA:

yum-o

beautiful green zebras

16th CSA:  This was a hectic week and I went grocery shopping on the same day…there just wasn’t time (nor did I have the energy) to unpack it all out on the table for pictures. Sorry.

17th CSA:

I've been needing some extra greens

Twins, I say! Twins!

mellow yellow

And there you have it folks. You are visually caught up with what we’ve been eating from the farm. Yay!

So…I’m here to play catch-up. I have CSA pictures, pictures of missing teeth, thoughts on the Northeast Unschooling Conference & Pittsburgh G20, insights into E’s birthday week (yep, he’s 6 now…holy fuck, 6 years old) and some other random-ness for you all.

Up first is a post with pictures of the last few weeks worth of CSA deliveries. Cut me some slack and by the end of the night, I should have everything posted and updated.

:: Babies & Blankets ::

:: People ::

:: Snuggles ::

:: Conversations ::

:: Caped Crusaders ::

:: Hanging Around ::

:: Family ::

:: Rowan Whittles ::

:: Frisbee ::

:: Dads ::

Part 1 of the conference can be found here and part 2 can be found here.