I’m finally getting around to cleaning and unpacking my office/studio. We have lived in our current house a smidgen over 2 years now and I am just now getting around to my space. It kind of feels good, but oddly not as good as it felt helping Dear Other Half clean out and somewhat organize his studio.
I’ve decided to cut back on hosting my Unschooling meet up. I’m only hosting it one day a month and at the park instead of my home. After debating on what to do once it turned more ‘homeschooling’ and not so much ‘unschooling’, I decided to just give us some space, but not drop it all together. Hanging out with families who aren’t Free or trying to create Freedom for themselves is not all that fun, yet it is rather draining.
We haven’t been back to the UUCNH Playgroup since our second visit. Oddly enough, this isn’t because we don’t want to go again, but rather because life has just been more important. We’ve had things continually popping up on Tuesdays that either conflict or just seem more important. We are not wanting for things to do these days. Life is abundant and the need to fill up time/space with awkward, rule-ridden playgroups, just hasn’t presented itself.
I’m contemplating leaving the not-so-”Hip Mama“, Hip Mama Meet Up that I am a member of currently (don’t join a group by the name alone). Though I have met some awesome (dare I say “radical”) mamas through this group, on the whole, with the commitment it takes, I am starting to dread it. The constant shit storm of both hate-mail and love-mail, as well as comments is enough to make anyone’s head spin. I once again have found myself in a space where apparently I “speak” for several (a surprising number in reality) group members who seem to not want to “take the heat” for having/expressing divergent ideas — ideas that wouldn’t be so divergent if it was really a “Hip Mama”, Hip Mama Meet Up. Then there’s also the fact that practically everyone has little babies or children off at school…not the best recipe of success for a “Hip Mama” with an Unschooling son who will be 6 years old in 2 months.
I have left my Etsy shop on vacation mode. I am making some more stuff, redoing some descriptions and needing to take some photos for new additions. I’m making headway, but its been slow going. Again, with that Life business…it just seems to keep happening 
Money has been tight around here lately. We spent an obscene amount of money on our ice cream party and we have both the NEU Con & Unschooling Cruise, as well as, Elijah’s 6th b-day and William’s 30th b-day all coming up over the next few months. I really wanted to find a way to attend Faith Void’s Enjoy Life unschooling con in September, but I just don’t see where the money could materialize from. I’ve put it out there for the Universe to mull over, but She can be cruel at times — Just, but Cruel.
On a personal note, I am really tired of not being pregnant. I have resolved that one of us is infertile and to just let it go. Somehow, though, the depression hasn’t followed out the door as well. Apparently, no amount of magical thinking, ceremony, spiritual sacrifices or sex (and doing so at various times…even when I think it would be crazy) is enough to make this body agree with my head/heart. Four pregnancies, one child & approaching 30 years old…The Universe has spoken, telling me to fold up my genes, they are no longer needed. Adoption. It seems to be the answer and what I have always planned on doing in the first place. However, I don’t like how the money factor of adoption makes it feel very “black-market”-ish. Are there people out there who are giving their children (I say children, because EVERYONE wants babies, but I’d much rather Grace/rescue a child 12mons – 5yrs) up for adoption and NOT want some weird & arbitrarily assigned monetary fortune? I’m NOT joking or trying to be callus.
Personal note continued: I was contacted by a 20 yr old women when Elijah was 3 months old. She was 1/2 way through her pregnancy and we had been talking online and over the phone. Out of the blue one day she announced that she had decided to place her baby up for adoption. She really wanted me to adopt her baby. Here’s where things get interesting. She didn’t want any money. She wanted me to be her midwife. She wanted me to provide prenatal care, support, space and to attend her birth. She wanted me to Love, Mother & raise her baby. For lack of a more eloquent & respectful word, Barter. My time, expertise, Love and Mothering capacity for her baby. I thought about it deeply for 12 days. I discussed it with no one…not even William, who will no doubt read this and have some thoughts, if not words. On day 12, I told her that I couldn’t; though as blessed as I felt and as gracious as she was, I couldn’t. There were things in my life at the time that I was unsure of and I had a 3 month old I was still getting to know. Usually the Universe nor Buddha provides these moments to us a second time…rarely a first time. I am feeling the sting from the Universe’s slap in my current hour.
Jakýkoliv V?le Být , V?le Být
Peace & Love