Natural Attachment

July 14, 2008

Filed under: Entertainment, Parental, Politics — Tags: , , , , — michele james-parham @ 2:40 pm

Creating Child-friendly Anarchist Space:

HOW TO SUPPORT PARENTS’ & CHILDREN’S PARTICIPATION @ ANARCHIST GATHERINGS

(Suggestions and tips from various parents on the Anarchist Parenting List Serv)

May 21, 2008

Rules vs. Principles/Respect/Control & Parenting Logic

In recent blog activity, a fellow Anarchist and I had gone back and forth about the difference between rules and principles and about whether or not it’s possible to be a non-coercive parent and not over step your natural bounds. We are on opposite ends of the matter.

I wanted to use this space to share a couple links on the matter. I think it’s important to envision the idea of living by principles rather than rules…I think it’s then that one can see how arbitrary and useless rules and control are. Since my ideas stem first from being a parent with a deep respect for my own intuition, second from our radical unschooling and third because I am an Anarchist…not all of the links are solely about parenting in general, but are about radical unschooling, which is more of a lifestyle choice and really goes beyond parenting and education methods. Find something that you enjoy.

Rules vs. Principles by Danielle Conger  (her entire site is fantastic for unschoolers)

Living by Principles Instead of by Rules (another radical unschooling goldmine website)

Ben Lovejoy on Living by Principles instead of by Rules

Control and its related problems

Where is the edge of unschooling? (more about control, regulating & rules)

Holly’s expressions of surprise and disbelief

Logic and Parenting

Freedom/Choices/Empowerment/Respect

I realize there is a lot here, but I could offer a lot more. Reflection is key and I know that before the ‘ah ha’ moment happened for me, I was a much more stressed out and plain old bitchy Mother. I am still learning and more importantly starting to rewrite all of the negative parenting & interacting with people that I inherited from my environment growing up.

May 20, 2008

A Difference in ‘Play groups/dates’

Filed under: Entertainment, Life, Parental, Religiosophy — Tags: , , , — michele james-parham @ 1:58 pm

So I wanted to share an observation with you readers. I have really noticed a difference in the flow of playdates, groups and other events that involve many children…the differences between these events populated by a large majority of subculture (punks, Anarchist, etc.) parents versus those populated by more mainstream parents. The differences that I point out become even stronger the bigger the group of people involved.

Scene One: The Subculture Gathering…

  • Lots of children all ages scattered to all four corners and intermingled with adults of all ages. Not every adult present is a parent, but has the capacity to act like one for a couple hours.
  • You might not know where your child is, but you know where at least 12 other children are and at least 12 other adults around you know where your child is.
  • Children have no issue grabbing the nearest adult to get help with food, drinks, games or going to the bathroom. They trust that person will help or will grab the closest person who can. It doesn’t have to be that child’s parent…it doesn’t matter.
  • An often random sampling of adults, will unconsciously rotate in organizing group games for the kids, without being asked to…well, a kid might ask them to, but there isn’t a sign up sheet.
  • You don’t hear much of, if any crying upon arriving or leaving.
  • Squabbles between kids are handled by kids and whichever adult is closest…no one has to worry in these situations that the involved adult will make your child feel insignificant or physically harm them, even if they are the kid who did just hit so&so for no reason. Chances are, you won’t even know anything happened unless your kid is hurt and then like magic you are reunited with your child.
  • Somehow everyone knows which kids are vegan without asking.
  • You aren’t shocked when you see so&so’s baby being passed around to you and you magically know exactly where so&so is when her baby starts trying to nurse on you, even if you haven’t actually seen her up until that point.
  • It reminds me of a village.

Scene Two: The Mainstream Gathering…

  • Someone is crying when you get there and someone is crying when you leave, regardless of who they are or who their parents are.
  • There are usually several children clinging to their parents, while their parents try desperately to have a conversation with another adult.
  • At least 6 times in an hour you will hear, “mommy, so&so isn’t playing right/hit me/etc”…it doesn’t matter if your child never does this, but here s/he will.
  • You are pretty much solely responsible for your child, because after all, I have my own to take care of.
  • You will probably be looked at with suspect if one child hits another and you don’t send the hitter to ‘time out’/give a firm talking to/etc…whatever ‘your’ group expects of it’s members, but rather you try to work it all out peacefully.
  • No one will know what your child can and can not eat, even if they have asked you a billion times.
  • Games and such are usually preplanned and someone is assigned the duty of making sure they happen…because flying by the seat of your pants with kids is dangerous and chaotic!
  • Babies aren’t usually passed around to give a mama a break and if so, she’s not likely to leave baby out of her sight.
  • Children must seek out their own parents for help with food, drinks and bathroom needs, because they don’t usually feel comfortable with ’strangers’.
  • You sort of have this feeling of needing to hover over your child…for no real reason, other than everyone else is doing it with their children.
  • Adults that are present who aren’t parents might often be overheard saying, “why don’t you go find your mum/dad and see if they can help you/play with you/etc.”
  • It seems a lot like a forced friendship to me and not at all like a village.

Now, before you go yelling at me and telling me that’s not the way it is with your group, I didn’t say always and in every group and at every activity. Not every group are like these examples. I happen to belong to a fantastic example of Scene One and have been a member of Scene Two many times…I have to say that while I have made many friends from Scene Two…they were really Scene One and didn’t realize it.

Oh, and it appears easier for Scene Two to integrate into Scene One, but not so for the reverse.

What about you, have you been on both sides of the fence and can report a noticeable difference? Have you been part of one of these groups and had the exact opposite experience? Did I leave out any major characteristics and differences?

May 15, 2008

Non-Coercive Parenting Part 3: Anarchist Parents

Filed under: Media, Parental, Politics — Tags: , , , , — michele james-parham @ 2:59 pm

I wanted to share a short interview with China Martens that Jakie Arsenuk of The F-Files did after China’s book The Future Generation: A Zine-Book for Subculture Parents, Kids, Friends and Others was published

This interview provides some insight into Anarchist Parenting and how not only is parenting a struggle, but that being a parent in the subculture and trying to do the right thing and treat your child like a human with respect is even more of a struggle in our oppressive world.

It also mentions how society’s and parents’ treatment of children and it’s oppressive nature is mirrored in other areas in our life, such as the treatment of people of color by those with fair skin and how women are oppressed by a male dominated society. Children (of all ethnicities and gender) are really victims too and deserve be included in our daily lives (including the politics thereof), treated with respect and have their autonomy supported.

May 13, 2008

Unschooling in Perspective Part 3 — Feminism & Anarchy

Is my child sheltered? Are we a privileged family? As an Anarchist, how can I unschool & other similar ‘opt out’ actions? Can I really be a Feminist and be a Mother?

Is my child sheltered?
I’d have to say no up front, but then ask you to elaborate on the question behind the question. His friends are limited to the children of parents I am friends with and those in the community that we see frequently — and they are not all of the same ‘tribe’. Would he have a more diverse group of peers if he was to be in school…yes, to some degree I am sure. I also think that if we were simply able to move from the Northside of Pittsburgh (which is soaked in “white guilt” money), he would have a more diverse group of children to interact with and more children to relate to whose parents believe in treating them like autonomous individuals rather than property or mere inconveniences on their lives. E. is not sheltered from ‘reality’ and what is reported on the news…though we don’t watch the news. He knows about social ills and why we do the things that we do to not feed more money into institutions and corporations that perpetuate these ills. He also realizes that even his father and I do not agree on everything and how we manage. He trusts us and we trust him. He is almost five at the time of writing this…so, I am very comfortable with saying that yes, he is sheltered from a lot of what goes on, but not to an extent that he is shocked or devastated by events when they happen. He asks questions, gets answers and moves on. As E. gets older and starts doing more things in the community and more things on his own, he will be exposed to even more things and gain even deeper knowledge of the world that surrounds him.

Are we able to ‘do this’ (unschool) because we are privileged?
The short answer, no. We are surviving, pay our bills and eat. We are happy and have things…wouldn’t mind having more things from time to time, but we aren’t lacking basic needs. But we are definitely Low Income and not middle class or higher. Are we more privileged than others, yes, but we aren’t holding anyone back or keeping anyone down. We also believe so strongly in respecting our child and being authentic to his needs that we would do about anything to make sure we could continue to offer him the ability to experience life by living day to day in ‘the real world’ and not locked behind a school’s walls where he would have to ask permission (and often be denied) to piss. Where he would be singled out because he is biracial and would be considered ‘at-risk’. Where he would be force fed information not relevant to his life in the present and punished for not testing well. He would be indoctrinated with ‘character education’, which his father and I find absolutely absurd. He would be told that sex is evil and be denied accurate information to keep himself and others safe and healthy. He would be ‘at-risk’ in a school’s care. We are able to ‘do this’, because we want to prevent our son from becoming another blind member of this nation.

As an Anarchist, how can I unschool & other similar ‘opt out’ actions? Aren’t I just adding to the problem?
Please, I am so sick of hearing this point of view. If we really wanted to change the system them we should do it from the inside out. We should have our children enrolled and we should be there volunteering etc etc. You can not change this system of schooling, which we are cursed with; you have to demolish it and start anew. I can not do that by subjecting my child to the shit (big and little) that goes on in schools. I am not oppressing people who ‘are not so privlaged’ by keeping my child out of the system. If there is a will, there is a way. You can fight this too. It isn’t easy and it can mean a lot of self sacrifice…but I guess that’s too much to ask from some of my fellow Anarchists and Feminists. We all do what we can with the knowledge we have at hand and we do better when we are shown better. By not forcing school and all that it entails on my child and my family, I am showing others that there is another way. There is a better way for many out there who are suffering and their children are suffering. My child learns from the actions and words of those around him; so do you and so does everyone else. Stop trying to tell me that in order to be a ‘good Anarchist’ I have to subject my child to the very shit I am fighting against — fuck you!

Can I really be a Feminist and be a Mother?
Yes! Did I want to be a Mother? Yes. Do I think women should have the right to choose when, where and how to have or not have children? Yes. How do I really feel? I think it is wrong and cruel for women to have children they have no intention to raise with respect. I think it is wrong to make decisions for your child that only and always cater to your desires. If having a child (who is very dependent on you) is too much for your wants/needs/desires and too much of an inconvenience on your way of life, then do NOT have children. Do not have children simply because society expects you to have them. Do not have children so that you can pay someone else to raise them to afford you the ‘freedom’ to pursue your own plans. If you are going to give birth and raise a child then know what that means. It doesn’t mean that you will NEVER have your own time or that you can not pursue your own wants. But once you have a child you should realize that the world is no longer only spinning for you, but for you both. Yes, please find friends (or keep old friends) and go out and do things for yourself. Find time to work college, independent study, employment or hobbies into your life, but not in place of being a Mother. You can gain an education, you can work and you can paint without never seeing your children and without needing a partner. It does take work and effort, which as a Mother, I hope you are willing to put forth for your child. Is it possible? Yes, but it is often times fucking painful in a world that is oppressed by Patriarchal systems.

Can you really be a ‘radical’ and embrace/practice Radical Unschooling? Hell yes and you don’t have to be a ‘white, hetero, middle/upper class family’. And if you don’t fit that stereotype, it’s even more important that you take another look at Radical Unschooling. It might be the answer YOUR family has been searching for.

May 6, 2008

Unschooling in Perspective Part 2.

I have come across a fantastic definition regarding Radical Unschooling. I now share this with you…it’s from: Daikini Crossroads

Unschooling:

Trusting that your children can and will learn all the academic skills and information that they need to live fully without enforced lessons – the “not doing school” part. The parents’ job is to create the environment, both physical and mental, wherein interests and passions can be discovered and facilitated.

Radical Unschooling:

Extending unschooling trust to all areas of your whole life, living by general Principles such as Honesty, Kindness, Respect, Acceptance, Generosity instead of having rules, chores, required behaviors, punishments of any sort. It is about building relationships, respecting children as autonomous beings and creating an environment where the freedom to make real choices is fostered and individual preferences honored as much as possible within real practical constraints (as opposed to having some kind of behavioral control agenda).

And I also wanted to share this great and cute video with you all.

Scary School Dream
or
Scary School Dream

April 24, 2008

Non-Coercive Parenting Part 1.

I’ve wanted to take some time to share some thoughts on Authentic Parenting, Non-Coercive Parenting and whatever else you might think to call it. I don’t have the time today, but I just couldn’t let this fantastic post that I found not be mentioned here on my blog. This post pretty much sums up the basics in an example regarding children and teeth brushing.

Enjoy this post and in the next couple of days I will have some more personal thoughts on the matter of trusting our children and not taking away the autonomy that they have a right to.

Learning in Freedom: non-coercive parenting

April 20, 2008

Rogue Midwifery

Filed under: Health, Media, Midwifery, Politics, Procreation — Tags: , , , , , — michele james-parham @ 6:11 pm

Kirsten Anderberg kindly gave me permission to post her article on her experience with ‘rogue midwives’. I like to think (and surely many people would say) that I share many of the same qualities as the midwives Kirsten speaks of. I am sure many of you might have come across this article somewhere else, but I figured it would be good to get up here. Enjoy.

Rogue Midwifery

by Kirsten Anderberg (www.kirstenanderberg.com)
Written March 2004

 


Miriamma Carson, one of my midwives

Women helping other women deliver babies is as old as humanity. It makes sense. So why do mainstream doctors and hospitals act like midwifery is some radical, dangerous, medically-irresponsible quackery? In Scandanavia, the UK, and the Netherlands, female midwifery is a thriving occupation. Yet in America, it has been constructively outlawed as a profession, for 100 years. While I was in labor, during my home birth, I actually asked the midwives, “Are you sure this is okay to do at home, and not in a hospital?” They said, “Kirsten, think about it. THIS is the way women birthed for thousands of years before doctors and hospitals.” That made sense, but I had to ask, due to my years of American medical brainwashing.

My midwives were rogue outlaws, in many ways. They fully understood the political activism involved, they fully appreciated the anarchist nature of what they were doing. They birthed approximately 200 babies in the Seattle area, between the years of 1980 and 2000, and they did so with no licenses, and no medical credentials. They delivered my baby at home, illegally, and I am eternally grateful. When I gave birth in 1984, there were no hospitals allowing midwives to birth in them, no insurance plan would pay for a midwife, and Swedish Hospital was the only hospital in Seattle “experimenting” with birthing rooms. There were no single or gay mom childbirth classes, so I quit going to childbirth classes, as they were filled only with middle-class, heterosexual couples. One of my midwives, Miriamma Carson, was bisexual, spoke fluent Spanish, was a radical activist and feminist, and she offered me a safe place, when nowhere else felt safe. For $300, I was given private childbirth classes with other single moms, and pre/post natal exams, as well as a 30 hour labor and home birth attended by two midwives. When I had trouble paying it, Miriamma let me barter cooking dinners for her kids instead. I could never have afforded such superior health care under the status quo, for-massive-profit, medical system.

Both of my midwives, Miriamma and Barbara R., had sons living at home while they were midwives. And they helped homeless teens often. One night Miriamma’s son woke her up at 3 am, saying he had stumbled on a teen girl, in a car, behind the 7-11, in labor. She would not leave with him, so he asked her to wait, and said he would send his radical midwife mom to help her. Miriamma grabbed her birthing kit, and charged out the door towards the 7-11. Miriamma delivered the baby, in the car, in the middle of the night, with dignity, no questions asked. The girl refused to leave with Miriamma, but Miriamma invited the girl to her home, and gave the girl her home phone number before she left. I am wildly impressed by this. Some would say that was irresponsible of Miriamma, and that she should have called the cops, or CPS, or forced the mother into a hospital. But Miriamma understood the difference between trauma and empowerment, and via her gift of birthing assistance without authority trips, she often saved women unnecessary trauma, allowing the joy of birth to prevail.

Once Miriamma had a woman who only spoke Spanish, in labor, in her car, trying to drive her home for the birth. They got stuck in a traffic jam. Miriamma called her nearest friend and told her to prepare a room in their home for a birth. She got off at the next exit and drove to the friend’s house, where the woman had a healthy birth. Miriamma spent years living in poor Mexican villages, and she knew there had been mass marketing of corporate baby formulas in Mexico, as well as in the U.S., shaming poor moms away from breastfeeding. So Miriamma asked the friend whose house they had landed at, to start breastfeeding in front of the new mom, who just delivered, to set a positive tone for breastfeeding. Miriamma was very good at finding healthy ways for moms to learn from each other.

These midwives were also incredibly gifted at networking. They led me to Doctor David Springer, one of the first M.D.’s to graduate from John Bastyr’s Naturopathic College (http://www.bastyr.edu/), with an N.D. He became one of Seattle’s finest holistic health pediatricians and took grand care of my son for 18 years. They hooked me up with La Leche League (www.lalecheleague.org), when I had breastfeeding problems. They taught low-income moms about the WIC program. They facilitated safe homes for domestic violence victims. They arranged safe abortions when asked. As a matter of fact, Miriamma took me to a safe abortion clinic, when I asked, years before she attended my birth. She bought the equipment abortion clinics use, and hid it in her basement, when she feared abortion may become illegal again. Miriamma is from a long line of radical women who saw access to safe birth control, abortion and delivery, as a woman’s right. Emma Goldman took formal training in midwifery in 1895, and was saddened by the plight of women with unwanted pregnancies, as a matter of fact.

Long have the fields of midwifery, women’s health care, witchcraft, and feminism, been associated. In the article, “Witches, Midwives, and Nurses,” (http://www.blancmange.net/tmh/articles/witches.html) by B. Ehrenreich and D. English, they say, “Women healers were people’s doctors, and their medicine was part of a people’s subculture. To this very day women’s medical practice has thrived in the midst of rebellious lower class movements which have struggled to be free from the established authorities. Male professionals, on the other hand, served the ruling class…Witch hunts did not eliminate the lower class woman healer, but they branded her forever as superstitious and possibly malevolent.” Calling self-help, preventative and traditional medicine a “radical assault on medical elitism,” traditional healers named “King-craft, Priest-craft, Lawyer-craft and Doctor-craft” the “four great evils of the time,” according to the article. By the 1840’s, medical licensing laws had been repealed in almost all of the states. But by the 1900’s, racism was also playing into the sexism, classism, and medical elitism, and since it was mostly immigrant and poor women who were having and assisting home births, white women of the Victorian brand, were asking for the white male doctors in sterile hospitals for birthing help, not poor immigrant midwives with birthing experience and herbal knowledge. And elite, white, women doctors, such as Elizabeth Blackwell, turned on the women midwives too. The article says in 1910, 50% of all babies born in America were delivered by midwives. And although traditional medicine was primarily a political and economical issue, the mainstream medical profession tried to say it was a medical and/or scientific issue. The medical profession has attacked the autonomy of midwives as health care providers, yet DIY women’s health care continues, as a liberating force.

When I was about 20 hours into labor, I started wimping out, and asked to go to a hospital for drugs, as I was exhausted, and sick of the pain. But my midwives reminded me that if I went to a hospital, the midwives would be locked outside, I would be forced to do a lot of authoritative things I would want to rebel against via doctors, and it could end up in a C-section. Those threats kept me at home trying to birth naturally, which finally did happen. And I am so thankful for them talking me through it. Miriamma died in the mid-1990’s, due to cancer. It was an emotional loss for the community. Her memorial had a cast of hundreds. Woman after woman bore witness to how Miriamma saved her life when in crisis, giving her dignity and comfort, when many of us had felt like “untouchables.” Whether we were homeless teens, battered wives, single welfare moms, gay moms, Spanish-speaking moms; we were all welcome on earth, according to Miriamma’s open-arm policy. We all deserved superior health care. We all deserved safe births and breastfeeding without stigma. Due to these beliefs, my midwives were two of the most radical anarchists I have ever met.

My friend Beth, in Santa Cruz, Ca., gave birth to her daughter, at night, on the sand, at the beach, with the help of her friend/midwife Moon Maiden. Birth is a tremendously powerful event and being drugged in a sterile hospital with paternalistic doctors is not the ultimate birth experience for many of us. Many of us want to birth, with our friends and families, in nature, without drugs. And such freedoms around birth are barely legal, if at all. So rogue midwifery continues on, under the radar of the mainstream, as political activism, as feminism, as alternative health care. Even with the recent advent of birthing rooms and licensed midwives, this field is a rogue one at best. Even mainstream midwifery resources, such as Midwifery Today magazine (http://www.midwiferytoday.com), and Midwives Online (http://www.midwivesonline.com) have a very anti-authoritarian tone. Doctors are not women’s bosses, and radical midwives understand this. Groups such as the Radical Midwives group (http://www.radmid.demon.co.uk/) in the U.K., see midwifery as a political issue, as well as a health issue. Midwives have been doing this as long as humans have existed. No laws can change it.

You can receive Kirsten’s articles, as they are written, via an email list called “Eat the Press.” Go to http://lists.riseup.net/www/info/eatthepress to join the list.
Kirsten Anderberg. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint/publish, please contact Kirsten at kirstena@resist.ca.

March 4, 2008

More on that Midwifery Madness and Stuff

If you have read the comments from the last post, you will find:

“It annoyed me that the two most prevalent trolls on all the homebirth blogs had to put their inane spin on it, but ehh, that’s what they’re here for, I guess.”

Yes, that is what they are there for and I am glad that they are over there. I have since left another comment on Sage Femme, which I am sure will be approved eventually, if not already. I guess I need to clarify and justify some of those things that I have said…not that I REALLY think that I need to, but see my brain is wired differently than most peoples’ brains.

First and foremost, I attack motivation by money, because that’s who I am. I don’t attack the need for a job for money to buy those things such as food and a life of health and safety. However, when you take something like midwifery or coming to the aide of birthing women and then bitch about not being able to make money from it, because of a lack in education or homogeneous education, credentialing, recognition or etc., you are then no better than what we all bitch about — doctors & insurance companies making bank from birth. Let’s face it, birth is HUGE business and why wouldn’t every ‘educator’, lactivist and birth aid want a piece of the pie? Because they should know better, that’s why. Women used to know the village midwife and cooked for her and gave her baskets and sewed blankets and she just did what came naturally to her.

Now let’s try to tackle education. I went to school K - 12, some college (some birth/midwifery related), apprenticeship and empirical knowledge. Do you want to know what prepared me the most and from where I have gained the most ‘knowledge’? From actually doing, seeing, observing, teaching and failing. I have learned by living life and sharing the experience with those whom I have served. That doesn’t mean that I found my way here through flailing and kicking and with an infant’s understanding of how ‘this all works’ (actually, that is sort of how I got my official start, but that’s another story all together). I was given more than a basic education in an odd sink or swim kind of way from an very kind and loving illegal Mexican granny midwife and then later from Jeannine Parvati Baker. I have been taught more and more as time has gone on from all the wonderful midwifes and sage women that I have encountered. But I have learned the most from the women and teenage girls whom I have had the pleasure of sharing their most intimate, powerful and vulnerable moments with. Have I continued to educate myself, yes (I’m passively seeking an ND degree) and will I continue, yes. Does that mean that I am better than some others, yes and there are a ’shit ton’ more who are better than me.

Do midwives NEED a unified/homogeneous education? If I say yes, then I probably wouldn’t have found myself where I am today and then I would be one of those who are perpetuating that lie that sage knowledge and heathen practices have no merit, are out of date and unscientific. We wouldn’t be here today if it wasn’t for a hell of a lot of unscientific practice — in all parts of life. If I say no, then I am now one of those heathen sages.

You can not truly measure what a person knows…you can see how many questions they can get right, you can see if a surgeon knows where to cut for a certain procedure (which is vitally important), but you can not measure what a person knows. There have been so many times that I have been moved to do certain things that I was never taught, but it turned out to be the right thing to do. There are certain things that I have been taught to do and could/would be taught to do (if I went to a formal educational institution) that I believe are truly unnecessary and usually dangerous when combined with pregnancy/childbirth. Some of my beliefs are backed by scientific studies and opinions, some by empirically learned and ‘obvious’ connections and then some are truly from the gut/heart and I might even go as far as to say from the Universe and it’s Great Architect (make of that what you will). Am I against those midwives wanting/seeking to become CNMs? No, I am not against them, but I am against much of their educational material, the rules and limits set on them by a patriarchal system of medicine and many of them continuing to perpetuate the practice of unnecessary and often dangerous interventions used against pregnant and birthing women. I am not saying that every one them wants to do these things, but is needing to be able to bill insurance companies and not losing your license because you stood up for something worth the damage/trauma/fear you might cause another human being(s)? Great, you can travel to rural settings and care for people who are far from hospitals and clinics, and you will in theory help less fortunate women, but all with the stipulation that your hands are truly tied from doing at times, what you KNOW is right. You might have a legal obligation to your license and to your overseeing hospital/physician, but you have a much stronger MORAL/ETHICAL OBLIGATION to honor a pregnant/birthing woman and her child(ren) with the rights and with the sanctity of living. Being right, being legal and begin safe are not always friends.

Credentials…again, what the fuck does a piece of paper mean? You can afford a license and it’s fees. You can pass a test that most people can if they prep well enough. You can answer to regulations — because, let’s face it, I don’t know of a credential (specifically a ‘medical’ one) that doesn’t come with it limits and regulations. I am sure we have all experienced a professional who was licensed and credentialed who didn’t know which way was up and we thought to ourselves, ‘ this guy went to school?’. I know to my mother, when she completed nursing school, her credentials meant that she had completed something and that she had accomplished a goal that took her far to many years to reach. I know that when my aunt passed the medical boards exam or when my uncle passed the bar exam that they were equally as proud at completing something. It has brought them joy and it has brought them pain. I am not trying to discredit a degree and credentials, but you have to be more than a piece of paper and a license fee. You have to BE what the people WANT.

If a group of people need something they will find a way to get it or to create it. That has been the case since man first sprung up on this green planet. If a community (be it a geographic community or a ideological community) wants a midwife and needs a midwife, it will make one. It will elect one. We’ve almost always done this, until we started seeing ‘all the possibilities’ in midwifery and then once again when we were practically buried for good. If Jane Doe decides that her calling is to be ‘with woman’ and she represents a need and presents the knowledge that the community seeks, then she will become a midwife. If she isn’t what they want or doesn’t answer their questions and leaves them uncertain, then she will either be a terrible midwife or not one at all. Mainstream mentality tends to discredit the average and ‘below-average’ person in its ability to both recognize what it needs and to see it when it presents itself. If, when or unless a woman ceases to have the right to choose when, where, why, how and with whom to be pregnant and birthing, then she should have just that right and it shouldn’t make a damn bit of difference whether the person she picks is certified, educated, recognized or approved by the government or one of it’s subsidiaries. If we are truly mindful of ourselves and those around us, we would see the injustice in a government or other such institution telling us what we can and can not do regarding our bodies…and as far as I am concerned, if and until a baby is birthed or extracted from our bodies, we hold the ultimate power over what is done do it or not done to it. We can debate things post birth later in another time, when I have calmed down from this fire some!

Am I selfish? Yes, you bet your ass I am. I am a self preservationist. That doesn’t mean that I don’t have a huge heart and desire to help out as many of my fellow Earth dwellers (both human and non), but if I can’t help myself, then I can’t help you. Could I go and sit through the NARM exam and become a CPM? Yes, with some strings pulled, letters of documentation and the usual hoops for alternate certification. Why then, have I not done it? I don’t want to. I haven’t NEEDED to — it hasn’t been a factor with my clients or where I lived when I started and it’s not a factor where I live now. If CPMs become legal here in PA, I still won’t get certified. It’s the very principle of getting certified that makes someone like me even more legally limited. If CPMs were legal, it would mean regulation and with regulation comes requirements. Midwives required to do this and to do that, whether or not they would do those things without regulation. It would limit certain skills and my abilities to serve clients authentically to their needs/culture/situation or other factors. It would leave a less diversified pool of midwives to pull from. I would have to phase a lot of things with, ‘I don’t require this, but the state makes me insist on such and such or else I can’t practice midwifery or you can’t birth at home with me’. While I am all for and a huge supporter of unassisted childbirth, I don’t think that a mother should be forced into birthing unassisted because the government and its sons have placed ultimatums on community midwives and how they can serve their community. I can not willingly place myself under state reign or campaign for others to be forced to abide by its politics and lobbyist schemes. Unfortunately, in our times, birth is as much political as it is physical and metaphysical.

So, what about low-income, minority and other under served clients? I’m not sure, because that’s who I am serving. I ask a fee for services, but it’s more of a suggestion. My husband would like for it to be a contract! Here’s what I feel I should receive for my time and resources in a perfect world…not what I think they are worth, because at certain times they are priceless. Have I ever been paid the full amount, yes. Have I ever been paid nothing at all, not even something material in exchange, yes — but I knew that this would be the case before I ever agreed to anything. Do I usually receive money, yes; or other compensation, yes. Have clients tried to claim for reimbursement, yes - some have won and others haven’t. Would I get paid more if I could bill insurance companies? No, or maybe a little here and there, but insurance companies expect me to actually DO something in order to get money from them. I can’t just sit on my hands in another room and bill for my time. I would have to DO things and gasp be more ‘doctor-ly’ or ‘nurse-ish’. Both things that I don’t want to be nor do my clients want me to be. So, I continue to be passionate about something that I love and pass on the knowledge that I have to other women, so that they can ‘bill themselves’.

Exactly who do you serve, Michele (I get a kick out of me in third person!)? Right now, mainly young radical Anarchist or as well educated, white, middle class women (who everyone else is serving apparently) might refer to them as ‘punks’, ‘outcasts’ or even a few other as ‘hippies’. I am a radical and I tend to stick with ‘my kind’…not because I couldn’t serve anyone else (I have had clients of all walks and with all degrees of bulging and empty wallets), but because they are under served, discredited, unappreciated and very much aware of what they need and want. I come from a completely different mind set than most midwives…I didn’t start out serving ‘posh’ women and ‘trend mongers’. I started out with poor illegal Mexicans, very low/no income white and black families, but mainly single and teen mothers. There have been the religiously fundamental (of various stripes) and those who were simply afraid of doctors and hospitals and fearful of what they might do to them or their child. I have seen some desperate souls, but they were more full of light and understanding then all of these policy pushers crammed together.

Who knows, maybe one day, I will grow up and realize that this isn’t about life, beauty, autonomy and freedom, but it’s really all about who is ‘with money’, who is privileged and what they think is better for the rest of us. Maybe I won’t always be so radical…maybe I’ll stop caring one day. But right now, all I see are the rights of so many women being trampled on and many of the women who serve them are being trampled on even harder. Midwifery is not Nursing; midwifery is not Allopathic or medical. Midwifery is (w)holistic; midwifery is ‘with woman wisdom’ - you could say it’s the wisdom one gains from being ‘with woman’.

Jah Love and Peace

February 10, 2008

Autonomy/Anarchy

Filed under: Politics, Religiosophy — Tags: , , , , , — michele james-parham @ 12:43 am

why is it that I have to become an expatriot to find this kind of life?
Freetown Christiania
Christiania Photo Montage

==============================edit=================================

February 10, 2008

I don’t mean that all the police activity is what I am looking for…or that random criminally conflicted persons trying to find shelter in my potting shed is what I am looking for…nor is the possibility of having my house burn down to the ground if it catches fire (that’s always a possibility though, regardless of the services available to you).

What I mean is that I want to live in a place, house, neighborhood, city, where ever I can find it, that is populated by people who understand ‘it’ and get ‘it’. What ‘it’ is to be a community and help out your neighbor…look out for yourself and your neighbor. I don’t want to live in a place where I have to privately OWN stuff to have some kind of feeling of control over what the hell is going on…I want to share the joy, the pain, the responsibility and work load. It is hard work (purposeful work) to make it happen and continue to happen.

I want my child(ren) to grow up in a community, not a network.

website stats

"Do you ever wonder who the leader is? Do you ever stop and think that you could stop following and start leading your own family?" - Valerie Fitzenreiter

website stats