Tag Archive - children are people too

Drugs…Sex…?

June 10, 2009 in Education, Law, Life, Parental, Politics, Procreation, Radical Unschooling, Religiosophy with 4 Comments

So, awhile back, Matthew C. left me a comment; in which he asked me about unschoolers and drug use:

Michele, I work in the field of drug and alcohol misuse.

I would be very interested if you could give some thoughts as to how an unschooler would handle the subject of drugs and alcohol.

There is a belief among many that education is the answer to getting young people to make sensible (?) choices about drug and alcohol use.

How would an unschooler deal with that subject?

This post has the aim to address how I (who happens to be an unschooler) handle/will handle drug use, but by no means do I speak for all or even most unschoolers. How one deals with drugs (and sex, figured I’d knock them both out) is a very personal decision and not one I can assume for others.

First, I feel like I have to address how I feel about drug use in general before I talk about how I feel about it and children. I am a huge believer in and supporter of cognitive liberty. I am not Me without the ability to alter or not alter my body & mind in the ways that I see fit. Obviously, I feel as though every man, woman and child is robbed of this liberty at birth, or rather never allowed to exercise this liberty autonomously from day one of their existence. Quite honestly, the fact that I am able to purchase acetaminophen or various cough medicines over-the-counter to take as I like (with the assumptions that I am using them as they are intended to be used), is a lucky fact at best. I alluded before on a past rant that about how drug ‘scheduling’ is out of sync with reality and research when I talked about hoasca (scheduled 1) being scheduled as worse than cocaine (scheduled 2) by our current drug schedule. Let me NOT get started on marijuana or pure heroin and opium or for that matter most psychoactive/hallucinogenic drugs that have been used in ritual on this Earth dating as far back as we can go.

(Wikipedia article) Drug use is a practice that dates to prehistoric times. There is archaeological evidence of the use of psychoactive substances dating back at least 10,000 years, and historical evidence of cultural use over the past 5,000 years.[1] While medicinal use seems to have played a very large role, it has been suggested that the urge to alter one’s consciousness is as primary as the drive to satiate thirst, hunger or sexual desire.[2] Others suggest that marketing, availability or the pressures of modern life are some of the reasons humans use many psychoactives in their daily lives. However, the long history of drug use and even children’s desire for spinning, swinging, or sliding indicates that the drive to alter one’s state of mind is universal.[3]

This relationship is not limited to humans. A number of animals consume different psychoactive plants, animals, berries and even fermented fruit, becoming intoxicated, such as cats after consuming catnip. Traditional legends of sacred plants often contain references to animals that introduced humankind to their use.[4] Biology suggests an evolutionary connection between psychoactive plants and animals, as to why these chemicals and their receptors exist within the nervous system.[5]

I really love the comment about children spinning being indicative to our innate desire to alter our state of mind. I definitely see this in my own son on a regular basis — the dizziness only happens once he stops the spinning and is brought back down to Earth. He says he likes spinning because it makes his mind do ‘funny’ things. In his book, The Rights of the Child and the Changing Image of Childhood (p. 139-140), Veerman quotes Holt on children and drug use:

In his own home an adult should be in a position to lay down the rules — for instance if he does not want smoking. But outside the home, the child’s choice should prevail. “On the whole I believe, ” says Holt “that people ought to be able to use the drugs they want. I don’t think we should ‘protect’ children against whatever drugs their elders use, and in a society in which most of their elders do use drugs and many use them excessively and unwisely. I don’t see how we can.”
Holt thinks that adolescents drink and smoke too much in order to look grown-up in a society in which there is no real and serious way to be grown-up. He admits that they are often driven to do this by social pressure from peer groups, but in his opinion this is a way to show their courage in a society in which their is no serious and authentic way to do so.

Wow! Children also seek relief from physical pain, emotional pain and stress, like all adults. We all make various and divergent choices on how we deal with, relieve or escape these issues — not all of them include chemicals. I am of the opinion that there is no difference between the proscribed anti-depression addicted (whether admitted or not) mother and the heroin addict on ‘the nod’ in the Denny’s bathroom or the Ritalin induced coma of an otherwise (previous to the Ritalin proscription) ‘normal’ 3rd grader. The only difference is that the heroin addict and the mother can choose to NOT continue on their paths in one way or another, whereas the 3rd grader has no say or rights — he can’t ‘go off’ his meds, because it’s required by the school, proscribed by an ‘expert’ and enforced by his parents (one of which is probably on anti-depressants). However, if he was caught smoking in the backyard in an effort to relieve some stress (or as an experiment), he’d be grounded, shamed or caused physical harm by some form of physical abuse disguised as ‘punishment’ — no wonder it’s that child who continues to smoke (and usually go on to ‘harder’ drugs) despite the possibility of more ‘punishment’.

I am not on this Earth to tell others how to live or what to do to their bodies. I CAN tell them how they might choose to live and what my experiences are, as well as what accurate and non-biased science has to say about their choices or proposed choices. Which is what I have done/will do with my child(ren). Being open and honest about your own experiences, choices, beliefs and current available research, is the only way to help a less experienced person gain the knowledge that *they* need to make informed decisions. Shaming, forbidden and punishing only make a person rash and act without truly being informed or as safe as possible.

I am at a quandary as to how to handle drugs in my own home. While I do believe that ALL drugs should be legal and regulated for purity sake and I believe in living as though the world already exists in the state you’d like to see it in, these two ideas conflict majorly with current reality. While I don’t want illegal substances in my home unless I am bringing them into my home knowingly and willingly ready to accept any legal ramifications, I also want my home to be a safe place for my children to experiment if they so choose to. I would much rather my son experiment with say, marijuana or LSD in my home with me as a sober (and experienced party) who is ready and able to keep him company during his experimentation and seek medical help if needed than for him to take a chance at a random party. However, the current law would only be harsher on me for trying to create the safest environment for my son to exercise his cognitive liberty than it would be if I was in the dark about his usage. Not only would he have legal action brought against himself, but I would suffer legally as well. I’d rather take that chance than to possibly passively force my child to seek out less savory or less safe means & places of experimentation.

Do not condone. Do not condemn. Seek to understand the desires & needs behind a choice (address and tend to those if possible). Supply information. Supply safety at the highest level possible given the choice at hand.

Now, let’s talk about sex. As you can probably guess by now, I am one of those ‘sexual liberation’ people. Sense I am quoting Holt through Veerman, let’s not stop now:

The Right to Control One’s Sex Life. Holt pictures a society wherein sex is much less perilous for children than it is in reality. We should not view children as innocent and a-sexual beings, says Holt, but acknowledge and respect their feelings in this regard as well as in all others, including a possible refusing of sex.

Holt [Escape From Childhood] (p.213) “Some people have voiced to me the fear that if it were legal for an adult to have sex with a consenting child, many young people would be exploited by unscrupulous older ones. The image here is of the innocent young girl and the dirty old man. Here, too, we are caught with the remains of old myths.” Holt does not seem to acknowledge that children might nevertheless become victims of adults. Farson in his article Child Protection that Backfires, argues that parents rather than strangers exploit and mistreat children. Holt and Farson do not fear that adults who seek the friendship of children may want to abuse them. “The best way to protect children, ” says Farson, “is to give them the same legal rights as we give to adults.”

I know I am going to get swamped with personal accounts of molestation, rape, pregnancy and so on from readers who would disagree that children can and should be in control of their sex lives. I would counter that a lot of these issues stem from a general lack of sexual liberation of Western Culture and because we do oppress youth and their natural biological desires instead of giving them information and tools to safely and intelligently navigate a world of people suffering from various neurosis stemming from sexual oppression. I would also express great sympathies towards these persons, because I too have been a victim. I can also say that if I had been given direct, open and honest information and given this information much earlier than most would deem ‘appropriate’, I would have successfully avoided a few situations. I am willing to accept that children are capable of determining their own level of sexual exploration (and safely do so if given correct information) on their own terms and timeline. I fully accept that these levels, terms and timelines might NOT correspond to how I might make decisions for myself.

I do not support abstinence only. I especially do not support religiously based abstinence programs — but this is also because I believe that children should have the same Religious Freedom that their elders enjoy. I do not support a ideology that flies in the face of human nature and biological design. Telling a hormonal teenager that everything their body is telling them is wrong, because some “guy-in-the-sky (read, G-d)” might not ‘like’ for them to engauge in certain activities until they’ve entered into a legal contract (er, I mean, have been married) is just asking for all kinds of problems and is wrong on SO many levels I can’t begin to touch on here. A better approach is real, accurate and honest information about sex, sexual identity, sexuality and how to explore/experiment (if one chooses to) in the safest way possible given the decisions a person makes.

Obviously, I plan on being as open and honest as my children’s comfort levels guide me to be. My son has already seen (up close and personally) numerous births (nakedness, messiness and all) and he has a fairly good grasp on the ‘hows’ of baby making. Maybe not so much the actual mechanics behind it, but the science at least with correct names of body parts and so on. I don’t usually plug too many books and such on here, but I will recommend a fantastic book that covers all aspects of sexuality from what makes a family and partnership (pro/neutral homosexual), to how twins & other multiples happen (artificially & naturally), to masturbation (normal, NOT sinful) and hormones at work behind sexual desire. This book has been one of the best things I have ever bought for my child and I have spread the greatness of this book to everyone I can. The book is accurate, scientific, but yet done in a manner that is amusing to children and easy to understand. I believe it is recommended for ages between 5 & 9 and up to 12…we bought it for E when he was about 3yrs. and he had me read him the entire book (it is a huge book) from front to back a few times. He’s since taken it off his self and read various parts of it many times. We’ve talked about things he’s read on many occasions.

I believe one of the hardest things for parents is for them to trust their children. Trust them to really listen to their bodies and hearts and to make informed decisions that resonant with who they are — especially when their choices do not align with their parents’ choices. The trusting comes very hard, because most of us were told that we can not be trusted and to not trust ourselves when we were young. We’ve been conditioned to rely on the gospel of elders and ‘experts’ and do often ignore the sound advice that our bodies are telling us. To fully detach yourself from your children, to accept and understand that they are their own-selves is hard. I know that had I been allowed the confidence to believe in and trust myself growing up, I wouldn’t have made some of the horrible mistakes I made nor would I have fallen into some of the situations I found myself in.

I hope this answers your question Matthew and others.

 

Externally Directed by Political Ideology: Living in Boxes

May 22, 2009 in Life, Politics, Religiosophy with 7 Comments

I’m going to attempt to blog about myself. I know that I have talked about myself a little here and there, but I’ve never really devoted a lengthy post to nothing but the inner workings of me. I’ve opened myself up for much debate and criticism through many of the topics that I have blogged about…we can just add this post to that list :)

I’ve been pondering over somethings someone recently said to me. Pondering because I really wanted to understand whether or not this person’s words were the truth, as in a Universal Truth. I’m going to quote this person, but only anonymously, because I haven’t spoken to them about my thoughts — this post isn’t about that person or their words, only about what I might be doing/saying to cause a competent & intelligent person to say the things they said.

“…what causes defensiveness is…the asking of some very loaded questions paired with follow-up descriptions that imply your choices, your philosophy, and your approach to parenting is the only way to go, not just for you but for everyone in the world.”

“…you seem to have a political ideology that informs every aspect of your life.”

“…when you’re sharing your parenting philosophies, I guess it sometimes feels like you’re also lecturing the group in an Anarchism 101 class – Goldman, Bakunin, Sacco and so on.”

“It almost feels like you are a crusader of sorts, in the political sense rather than the religious, and in the left-end of the spectrum rather than the right.”

I like the person who said these things. I respect this person for saying them too. However, enough about the person saying these things.

It would be interesting to note before I go on how a “loaded question” is described. This is for my own information and reflection, but feel free to educate yourselves. I only recall but one question which could have fit into the category of “loaded question”, but semantics aren’t all they are cracked up to be these days.

Now, before I say anything else. I want to share a quote, which sums up quite nicely how I feel about the accusation of being politically motivated in my correspondence with those on discussions lists and with the world in general.

“I also believe you conflate the terms ‘anarchism’ and ‘anarchy’: AnarchY might be imaginary — meaning that we don’t now and may never have a society without coercive rulers — but anarchISM is a Value Set, like pacifism, or Christian love, or Buddhist empathy. It is not a description of the world, but a standard for judging situations within the world. ” – bkMarcus

I fully agree with the quote. Anarchism is a Value Set. It is a way in which one can view the world and a way in which a people can interact with the world. It is a model of thought to help one look at a situation — does this make sense, is everyone being respected and loved, is anyone using coercive means to “get their way”, is everyone being heard (the questions that most unschoolers ask themselves when there seems to be conflict)?

I also understand that by explicitly stating that I am an Anarchist, I have placed myself into a box. This box makes others assume certain things about me and expect certain things from me and lends the thought that I might have some kind of political agenda behind my interactions with the world. Do I have an agenda? I guess I do in that it makes no sense to spread the word of love, respect and egalitarianism if I am not hoping that my modeling and explanations of such concepts wouldn’t lead to more people living peacefully, consensually and with (not next to) one another. You can do those things and live in those ways without identifying yourself as an Anarchist, but you would be living out principles of Anarchism regardless — just as I also model & live by some aspects of Buddhist empathy and pacifism.

I admire, respect and think highly of children. I am pained deeply by how our culture treats children as second class citizens and how it views childhood as some kind of preparatory and lesser period of life. I do not like the things I see people doing and saying to their children that are hurtful, disrespectful, oppressive and condescending. I do not find it helpful to children to NOT stand up for them when someone is saying or doing something, which is counter to how much better that person would treat an adult, a guest in their home or the family pet. I believe that many of the things I do as a parent and advocate for other parents is “right” and not just “right for my family”. Those things which model principles we hope our children grow to live by, those things which come instinctively and NOT from a book by an “expert” and those things which follow the path of the least resistance all tend to just make sense as apposed to a whole host of tools for manipulation that parents and other adults adopt when living with children. These tools are often solely for the purpose of producing obedient, clean & quiet children that parents & adults do not have to *deal* with.

If you have something to complain about then you are either not “doing it right” or you have expectations (for yourself or your children) which are unreasonable. All the complaints I hear from people about children can be filed into one of two categories 1) children are inconvenient to the life *I* want to live or 2) they aren’t doing what *I* want/need them to do for *me*. Constantly fighting and melting down means that you are constantly working against your child’s natural inclinations and desires…working with them seems natural, easier and makes more sense in the long run. People are so quick to ask something like “does that mean it’s okay for my child to hit me” and the answer is “no”, but the real issue is not the act of hitting but the why of hitting. What have you done or not done to cause your child to resort to hitting (barring some kind of organic mental health issue leading to the hitting)? I know when my son resorts to hitting it’s because *I* didn’t pay close enough attention to his energy in the present, he hadn’t eaten in awhile or *I* wasn’t doing *my* job of acting as a buffer to the environment he was in. *I* was not doing my part to help him shine. I can see how attractive it is to lay all the blame and shame on the child, who so many seem to think “should know better”. I don’t have the expectation for a child to refrain from being physical as I do for an adult to refrain from being physical (especially from being physical with a child).

I have a way of seeing the world and the inherent good of people, which is interwoven into every aspect of my life. I would not call it political. However, it affects my political outlook. This interwoven perception of reality might line up with much of Anarchistic Thought and I am quite sure that this shines through when I speak and when I explain how I view a situation — I am not a moderate, nor a centrist, so my views and opinions are more noticeable, palpable than most. It just so happens that how I feel about children and parenting them reflects almost perfectly with how Libertarianism and Anarchism feel about children and parenting them. I guess it shouldn’t matter that I had most of my ideas on parenting set in place long before I was ever a parent and long before I would have called myself an Anarchist. I had already fit into the box without realizing the box existed.

If anything, I would consider myself a crusader of humanity. And specifically equal, respectful and humane treatment of children — if we can’t treat them “right”, how will we ever be able to treat anyone else right? My opposition doesn’t see children worthy of equal time, equal respect or equal acceptance…just like so many men used to and still do feel about women and minorities.

My opposition sees it as their place to direct, mold and create their children and their children’s lives, to make or force them to fit into the parents’ idea of what a child should/shouldn’t do/be/say/think and to make/force them to fit into the parents’ way of living. I see it as my duty to be my children’s partner, to help them navigate this world, to watch them unfold into their own persons (redefining each day as needed) and to help them shine their brightest with the best of my ability. I see my job to help them have as much access to the world as they ask for,  to do it when they ask for it and to trust them with their access. It is my job to help preserve my children’s authenticity and autonomy, and because there is not a magical age when those two things develop or can be handed to a person, I trust that they are present from birth and only strengthen their resolve with each passing day.

Every aspect of my life is affected however not ruled or decided by a political ideology. I have principles that I strive to live by. These are internal, self-initiated and self-directed. Ultimately, I do not answer to external thoughts or persons, but only to myself and thankfully for myself & those around me, I have reached adulthood with a set of positive & egalitarian internal principles. After taking some time to ponder on these things, I am beginning to understand why it is common to find people who are intimidated or awed by me. My Dear Other Half will tell me it is because I am elitist, though in denial. I believe it is because I emit a sense of having my shit together; because I know what I want and what I need and I know how to get these things; because I am solid in my resolve and do not waver; because I have found a way to over come the selfishness that my attention starved childhood placed on me; because I do not take shit from people and I don’t care whether or not my actions answer appropriately to some archaic mode of tact and decorum; because only those nearest to me have the privilege to see me crack and to lose my Zen; because I am no longer afraid of myself nor am I afraid of doing what feels right and what makes sense in the moment. Not many can stand next to me and say those same things. These things are not because my life is informed by some political ideology, but because I & the Universe own my life, my choices and the Being that inhabits this bag of bones.

“…that I will perform All things and endure All things for the Great Work of the Universe…that I will continue in the Knowledge and Conversation of my Holy Guardian Angel…”

M.

 

Escape From Childhood – A Review

April 17, 2009 in Education, Parental, Radical Unschooling, Religiosophy with 5 Comments

As promised in my last post, I am going to review John Holt’s book, Escape From Childhood: The Needs and Rights of Children. I don’t really have the time nor the space to philosophize about each point in this book or to cover all the rights Holt would like to see children given…I’ll leave that to someone else. However, I will focus on a few points in the book that speak loudly to me on how we view children in general and how many of us have no real issues with how disrespectful we are towards children.

Just to give the basics on the book and the list of all the rights Holt advocated for, read the short bit here.

I bought this book back in 2000 when I was on an extended substituting job for a senior English and creative writing teacher (when you fill in for the same teacher for a long period of time, like for their postpartum leave or such). I bought the book at a book sale the school had…they were cleaning out the old and ‘outdated’ books from their library. Being only 18 at the time, I was still trying desperately to escape from my own childhood, which I don’t think I actually did until I was a few years into a marriage, a mother and 1200 miles away from all family — isn’t that the same story for so many? I skimmed through the book at the time and read a chapter here and there; agreeing with everything that I was reading, even day dreamed about discussing a few points I came across in the book with my class, but I never actually read the book cover to cover until about a month ago.

First, while there might only be a couple bits in this entire book that I disagree with (and those might only be because of wording and not intent behind the wording), I have to say that I really wish the book was twice or thrice as long and quoted more studies and examples of ‘real life’ children and families who are living/have lived in such mindful and consensual ways. Being a radical myself, I ‘get’ the book and share the truths in the book, but I also know that there are many people who could benefit (I’m talking about a large population of mainstream parents and those ‘on the fence’ of parenting/life-style philosophies) from the book or another like it, if it was more capable of bridging cultural meme gaps and incorporated more ‘tools’ (though I hate that term) for parents that help them change their perspectives. Being ‘on the fence’ and leaning more towards treating children as people and not property or ‘pets’ is a step and these people might be pushed over the fence by reading Escape From Childhood, but there are so many more out there who could make that leap of faith if there was just a little bit more ‘something’ to push them.

To push home the thought that I just shared, here is an excerpt from chapter one.

“It is never easy to change old ideas and customs. Someone wrote of her grandmother that whenever she heard a new idea she responded in one of two ways: (1) it is crazy, or (2) I’ve always known it. The things we know and believe are a part of us. We feel we have always known them. Almost anything else, anything that doesn’t fit into our structure of knowledge, our mental model of reality is likely to seem strange, wild, fearful, dangerous, and impossible. People defend what they are used to even when it is hurting them.” (page 4) Emphasis mine.

It’s true.

The first part of the book talks about the institution of childhood, what it means to be a child AND what it means to have a family with children. Of course, Holt points out how difficult it is to raise children now because of the nuclear family — difficult on BOTH the child and parent. We don’t have the support of a community, tribe or extended family like we have had throughout the history of man. Often times, this lack of support is even more burdensome on families where the mother (or father) is pretty much the sole parent, guardian, nurse, playmate and so on for her child(ren). It IS more difficult in many ways now to raise a child, but I also find that it is easier now to question just how children can and should be raised, whereas in times past, there was very little room to question what might be best for children or for children to voice what they might prefer.

I hear plenty of people talk of how much better off children are, because they are protected now from being ‘forced’ into adulthood too early. What I am understanding and what Holt speaks of when he mentions the “walled-garden” of childhood in the book is that much of this ‘protection’ from adulthood is due to or because of a lack of respect for children. In a world where children were respected as capable human beings, there would not be a need for much if any of this ‘protection’ from adulthood. If children were viewed as worthy of the same rights and responsibilities as adults, we wouldn’t need numerous laws prohibiting the exploitation of children…children are only exploited, because they are so cut off from the main-line of reality and are seen as almost like another species — a species to be owned, shaped and ‘loved’. Kind of like the beloved puppy of your childhood memories.

Holt has some heavy, yet truthful words to say about why many people even have children — especially those who find children to be rather inconvenient to their lives.

“…almost all adults, men and women, use children as what we might call love objects. We think we have a right, or even a duty, to bestow on them “love”, visible and tangible signs of affection, whenever we want, however we want, and whether they like it or not. In this we exploit them, use them for our purposes. This, more than anything else, is what we use children and childhood for — to provide us with love objects. This is why we adults find children worth owning and the institution of childhood worth preserving, in spite of their great trouble and expense.” (page 72)

Holt goes on to talk about forced affection from elders and how so many seem content on coercing their children to submit to physical affection from certain strangers and elders. This is one that boggles me to this day…with all the talk we give children about not letting anyone touch them or touch them in ways they don’t feel right about, yet we force them to give grandma a hug and grandpa a kiss. Holt points out just how easily the needs or desires of children are cast away because of age.

“Many…have written about…disgusting feelings of being embraced or kissed by an adult they did not like…. To such talk a friend of mine once said that perhaps the older person needed to kiss the small child and so it was right to compel the child to let him do it. This is a perfect example of that I mean about an adult using a child. If the needs of a four-year-old and a sixty-year-old come into conflict, why must the child always give way? …because he is smaller and weaker? …any adult who is so insensitive to the feelings of a child that he would embrace him in spite of the child’s revulsion, and indeed not notice the child’s feelings at all, is not embracing a real child but only the idea of a child, a child-object…. He embraces this particular one…[because] he is permitted to embrace it.” (page 73)

Holt goes on to say that if a person did this to a strange child that he would not get away with it and not be permitted to embrace a strange child. It is only because of familial relations or ties that this kind of forced affection is permitted. He even shares a little later on how he falls victim to this line of thought when he affectionately pats a young girl on the head who is sitting in his lap reading with him and she turns to look at him with surprise and wonder at why he would be so bold when they are sitting there reading.

On the surface it can appear understandable why so many people do not believe that children are capable of doing ‘adult’ things. One reason is that we force children to act and think in infantile ways well beyond their days of infancy. We find children to be ‘cute’ and cute in this context Holt and I both mean that we find children to exude qualities that appeal to us. Holt lists these qualities as: healthy, energetic, quick, vital, vivacious, enthusiastic, resourceful, intelligent, intense, passionate, hopeful, trustful, forgiving and though children can get very angry, unlike adults, they rarely hold grudges. Holt argues that these are not “childish” qualities, but “human” qualities. Unfortunately, when we connect with children we are often condescending in nature. Our idea of ‘cute’ is based on how ‘innocent’ children can seem in their weakness, naivety, helplessness, small stature and how sentimental we can make ourselves about a child’s presumed good nature, happiness and innocence. Children are no different than adults in that both have good days, bad days, stress, fears & desires. Yet, when most adults do encounter rather intelligent and capable children (typically those children who have been treated & repected as equals by their parents), they are astonished, often feeling threatened and they certainly do NOT think of the child as ‘cute’. It is very hard to have a real meaningful relationship with a person when you can only think of them in the abstract, as ‘cute’, because they then become an idea or symbol and do not represent a unique individual with whom you can respect, trust and learn from. Later in life, children learn how to exploit ‘cuteness’ to gain approval & attention. An example of how condescending we are towards children when we think of them as ‘cute’ is when a toddler is learning to walk.

“Any adult who found it as hard to walk as a small child, and who did it so badly, would be called severely handicapped. We certainly would not smile, chuckle, and laugh at his efforts — and congratulate ourselves for doing so…I reminded myself, as I often do when I see a very small child intent and absorbed in what he is doing and I am tempted to think of him as cute, “That child isn’t trying to be cute; he doesn’t see himself as cute; and he doesn’t want to be seen as cute. He is as serious about what he is doing now as any human being can be, and he wants to be taken seriously.”

“I try to respond to the child’s determination, courage, and pleasure, not his littleness, feeblenss, and incompetence. To whatever voice in me says, “Oh, wouldn’t it be nice to pick up that dear little child and give him a big hug and kiss,” I reply, “No, no, NO, that child doesn’t want to be picked up…he wants to walk…He is not walking for the approval or happiness of me or even for his parents beside him, but for himself. It is his show. Don’t try to turn him into an actor in your show. Leave him alone to get on with his work.” (page 84)

Crazy. I know. You are thinking about how you would see yourself as a ‘bad parent’ if you didn’t encourage, smile and chuckle at your baby’s efforts to walk. But, when you think of your toddler as only a human being desparartly trying to teach himself how to get from point A to point B more efficiently like the other humans in his life, you can begin to see how what almost all parents and bystanders do when watching a beginning walker as condescending and only explained by our thinking the child as ‘cute’. While I think it is quite alright to help a child or to even encourage or give positive feedback, but to carry on like most parents is enough to make me nausiated and I am sure most toddlers would pipe up about it if they were verbal enough or hadn’t already been convinced by their parents’ reactions that they weren’t capable of such feats like walking without being gushed over. “Leave him alone to get on with his work”.

“Children do not like being incompetent any more than they like being ignorant. They want to learn how to do, and do well, the things they see being done by bigger people around them. This is why they soon find school such a disappointment; they so seldom get a chance to learn anything important or do anything real. But many defenders of childhood, in or out of school, seem to have this vested interest in the children’s incompetence, which they often call “letting the child be a child.” (page 86)

The entire chapter entitled, How Children Exploit Cuteness is a must read. Holt goes into great detail about how we view children in abstract ways…as ‘cute’ and a member of Childhood and not a child. We deal with Childhood and not real live unique children…we assume all children are the same, even though we tell each other and ourselves how different they all are. Holt talks about how we label children based on abstract thinking and relating to them and then map out their entire futures based on those labels. It’s then these labels that we use to judge them and decide if they are ‘on track’ or not. We are constantly making decisions for them and against them (their wills) that will drive them in the direction that *we think* they *should* go and not where *they think* they *should* go. When we romanticize about our children’s future, we run the risk of disappointment every time they are doing or saying something counter to our fantasy and then we dwell on that instead of helping them become the person they are meant to be and NOT the person we might want them to be.

This book is yet another brilliant piece of literature, not only from Holt, but from the library of literature fighting and advocating for the rights and liberation of the youth. While I know that I haven’t discussed any of the actual rights that Holt mentions in his book, I don’t think I need to. I can’t begin to cover here, even in synopsis, the thoughts behind many of Holt’s ideas regarding children’s rights. The main point is that if we lived in a world where children where NOT used as “love objects” or thought of as “cute” or in other abstract ways, were treated with their rightfully due respect and those around them stopped trying to squash their authenticity and autonomy, we wouldn’t need a blog post or great works of literature to convince people that, yes, a 6 year old should be allowed to vote as a citizen of this nation and that same 6 year old should be able to drink a beer, divorce his parents, have complete say over his educational endeavors and the list continues. Escape From Childhood is a book that I’d add to the required-to-read-before-parenthood-or-working-with-children-list.

I sum the book up in short terms by saying that it is another book discussing how much we squash children because of our own wants/needs/desires/baggage and not because we “know best”. If the majority of the world thought about children like Holt, myself and most Unschoolers, then there would be no need for this book, because the majority would “get it” and not need to be convinced of anything.

Yeah, I know; so much for that ‘reviewing’ part of this!

 

The Ultimate Parenting Meme

October 10, 2008 in Life, Parental, Radical Unschooling, Religiosophy with 3 Comments

First, you ask what exactly is a meme?

Second, what is the ultimate parenting meme? “We all have to do what is good/right for our family” or ” We all have the right to parent the way that works best for our family” or “Every parent gets to decide what is right for their children/family” and similar still, “What works for one family will not always work for another”. These (and many other similar memes) all have the same theme or idea, which is for one parent to butt out of or not judge another parent’s choices when it comes to raising their children, because ultimately, they have the final say on how things are going to be in their family/house.

All too often this meme is loudly repeated by mainstream/traditional parents who feel threatened, judged or even guilty about their parenting choices. It’s understandable for someone to come to their own defense when they are questioned, challenged or when negative things are spoken about how they parent. Of course, we all differ in ideologies and how we put them into practice, but what I want to talk about in regards to this meme, are the children at the heart of this all.

There appears to be some characteristics of those who preach our beloved meme. Some range from the extreme, they really don’t want to be parents & do not like children, to not believing children have a say or are deserving of mutual respect or acceptance, on further still to the ever present, ultimately, I am the parent and I know what is best and I will call the shots. Many of these people seem to be greatly inconvenienced about the fact that they are parents and that children do/say certain things, which can lead to a person being inconvenienced. Many of these parents also feel that if something looks good from the outside, then it must be working and not harboring any ill effects. After all, if it ain’t broke why in the hell would you go and try to fix it? Children have an amazing capacity to cope with less than ideal circumstances. It’s always about us, me, we, I and rarely if ever about the children.

Frankly, it does take more time, more effort and more patience to be a gentle, accepting, non-punitive, non-authoritarian/permissive and a zen-like parent — even more so, if you are blessed with a spirited or indigo child. If we really want to turn this planet around and be taken care of by loving, accepting & understanding people, well, we have to treat them that way when they are babes. One of the main differences I notice is where the parents’ perspective is coming from and how they view children in general.

A traditional/mainstream parent sees a child’s actions from the parental eye and does not usually try to empathize with the child through its own perspective. Children do what they need to do, it is up to the parent to decode the child’s actions/words and understand the meaning and their motivation behind them. Here is an example:

parent: holding child’s infant sibling & nursing
child: throws block at siblings head & causes her/him to cry
mainstream parent: scolds child, says ‘no’, ‘we don’t hit’ or ‘bad child’ and comforts infant — possibly use of more punitive actions such as spanking (hitting to send the message not to hit!), time-out, threats or even throwing the block back at the child.
child: cries…hits again…screams…stomps off…any number of things trying to communicate that their messages are not being received.

or

parent: holding child’s infant sibling & nursing
child: throws block at siblings head & causes her/him to cry
parent: says (while comforting baby), ‘I do not want you to hit the baby, because it causes him pain & could seriously hurt him. I can see you must be really angry to hit the baby’.
child: [verbal] says, ‘I don’t like all the attention the baby is getting’ or ‘I need time with/to talk with you’ [non-verbal] child will crawl into parent’s lap & snuggle…sit next to parent…put arms up to be hugged or picked up…any of these could be accompanied with crying. Scenario continues with the parent actively listening to the child until the moment is consensually resolved and everyone has released their stress & anger.

Which parent are you? Which parent do you wish you were? Which parent do you think is ‘right’? I know some of you are thinking, ‘yeah, but I don’t care why the child hits the baby, he should know better than to do it & I am not going to keep my cool enough to talk-it-out’. We place an awful lot of assumptions & demands on children don’t we?

We say that children ought, should & shouldn’t do/say things all the time. Instead of worrying about what they should or shouldn’t be doing, we might accept the idea that they are doing what they need to do in the moment and then figure out why they did it. Once we know why, we can prevent it from needing to happen. Are you serious? Yes and so is Naomi Aldort!

Another issue that keeps arising is a child’s autonomy. The mainstream parents who use trainers’ methods of rewards/punishments to control a child or coerce him to behave in a certain way that is acceptable to the parent is doing her best to suppress autonomy. As most parents of teenagers know, this method of parenting backfires or fails once the child is a teenager and starts to reclaim & express his autonomy — ‘we’ like to call this ‘rebellion’. I left the following quote in a comment here:

“It doesn’t have to be a win/lose situation. If one is going to offer options/choices, then they have to be able to accept that every once in a while, the answer will just be a plain ‘no…none of those will work for me’. Otherwise, you really are not offering any real choices…only those that suite *your* case.

Autonomy is not something we ‘allow’, it’s something that is always there and will be expressed whether we like it or not. The choice is ours as to whether or not we want to honor another person’s being, work with them and find a win/win solution. If we choose not to function like this, then we choose to deal with tantrums, fits, aggression, violence, lying and so forth — these are all desperate attempts at asserting one’s autonomy when s/he feels oppressed.”

Children do what they need to do in the moment…often times parents don’t actively listen until a child’s autonomous expression is very extreme, all hell has broken loose and everyone is breaking down.

The post that comment is from mentioned the parent owning the house and paying for things in the house…this reminds me of the ‘guest phenomenon’. As a whole, society tends to favor guests over children — with the exception of children who are guests. When we have guests, we usually invite them into our homes or at the very least accept their arrival. We take into consideration their dietary preference & do not expect them to eat certain foods or certain amounts of foods. We do not shame, punish them or ‘cut off’ privileges for accidents, such as spilling soda on the couch. We do not tell/force them to go to bed. We go out of our way to make them feel accepted, loved and to understand their needs so that they can be met. We even do this with children who are guests in our homes, but most mainstream parents wouldn’t begin to consider treating their own children in such a manner. Our children are our house guests.

Spiritual ideas/debates aside, children do not choose to be born, we invite them into our lives and our homes. Children are not selective eaters or clumsy while carrying sodas to make our lives miserable or to manipulate us. Children are able to listen to their body’s messages about hunger and sleep needs. Children are living in a home that no, they didn’t buy or work hard to decorate, but they are in the space (without much of a choice either) and should be afforded the comforts & rights as everyone else sharing the space and have the environment arranged so that they can actually LIVE in the space — we would have no issues rearranging and altering our homes for elderly parents or disabled family members who were coming to live with us. What is worse about this ‘house guest’ phenomenon is that not only do many of us treat guests better than our children, but we often treat the family dog/cat better than our own children.

Why do we treat children like second class citizens and why do we find that we can continue to do so, because everything is ‘working for us’? We feel we are entitled to do whatever we want and no one can pass judgment or offer criticisms, because we are still trying to reclaim our autonomy. We are still rebellious teenagers who don’t want our parents telling us how to live. We also find ourselves without the tribe or village there to help and show us the way…we are doing it by ourselves and most mums (as primary caregiver) are even more isolated. Our parents did such & such to us and we still turned out alright (so will our children). But, are you really alright? Wouldn’t you like to be better than alright and surely, don’t we all want our children to be more than just alright…don’t we want them to have better than us?

We are raised in a culture that does everything in its power to separate the child from the parent. We demand that children become independent and separate from us at an early age. They must learn to sleep by themselves, to be a ‘good’ baby and to ‘mind/listen’ to us. We have bottles, formula, cribs, swings, nannies & sitters, early childhood education, tv programming for babies, crying-it-out, classes for tots, little/no leave from work, unpaid leave from work, put the baby down now – it has to learn, baby monitors and so on & so on. Everything we are sold/told is yet another device, sevice or method to keep us from our children, from physically being there, from getting to learn who they are and we wonder why when they are teenagers, we have no idea who they are. It’s always about us, me, we, I and rarely if ever about the children.

Back to the meme. “It’s working for me/us, so butt out”. Is it really working or only on some days and under the right circumstances? Will it still work when your child realizes that she is her own person and autonomy rears its face? Children are the barometers of the family and they are like holding up a mirror to ourselves — if they are having ‘fits’, we must be having them too. Why is it so hard for people to make the same concessions for children that they make for adults?  We do not like children. Rather, we do not like autonomous children, children with a voice, children who are felt, seen & heard. We expect them to ‘behave‘ the way we want and when we want them to. Mainstream parents do not seem to understand the merit in meeting our children halfway, finding win-win solutions and finding ways to accept them as they are without trying to change them. We are raised in a culture that glorifies and almost requires instant gratification — there is nothing instant when it comes to authentic or gentle parenting. It appears to be easier to use our assigned authority, our psychological size and our physical size to coerce or manipulate our children and their behavior.

Is it really ‘working’? The following is a snippet of a conversation from an online forum that I belong to (names have been removed on purpose). It is in regards to unschooling, but as you know, radical or whole life unschoolers do not see a demarcation between parenting and education. Bracketed words are mine.

 sounds like it’s working for your family.? and he’s satisfied with what you’re doing.? how could that not be the “correct” way??

**************************************************************

This is a general comment, not related to the specific topic (or poster!) but to the ideas in the statement above.
It’s possible for things to be “working” in a family where the kids are just going along with what mom and dad want, because its easier or because the kids are natural people-pleasers [or out of fear of punishment]. That doesn’t mean parents are being respectful in the sense of striving to understand the kids’ perspectives, and value those perspectives.
Its possible for kids to be satisfied when parents have managed to make the world small. Kids have an amazing capacity to make the best of things! Unschooling is about making the world big and broad and exciting for out kids – because kids want to learn about everything!

Mainstream parents are not buying this! I’m sure some might be familiar with this set up and conversation:

Friend: how is soccer going for Sarah?
Parent: Oh, good. She’s made captain.
F: Does she enjoy it still after all these years?
P: Oh, sure, she’s happy.
F: Have you asked her if she’s happy, if she still wants to play?
P: No (or, what kind of a question is that). Should I, she seems happy & hasn’t asked to quit.

This conversation could go on for awhile and take some turns. Sarah seems happy, so why ask her and risk finding out that she’s in fact not happy, hates soccer and wants to quit or that she really likes soccer, but not this team anymore or she needs more help with practice than you are willing to give out? Why? Because, you want to be respectful, accepting and helpful in guiding Sarah to be her best and to find/develop her passions in life. Yes, this is necessary and not just once children reach a certain age…it starts at birth. You can’t make Sarah like soccer, but if she does, you can help her get as much enjoyment out of it as possible. Sarah might not like the fact that you decided to have a baby after all these years of her being the only child…it’s your place to help her cope and find ways to make sure everyone feels loved, appreciated and respected.

We also make so many of our parenting decision based on what we think others will say about us. Without thinking about how we really feel about a behavior, we pass judgment, correct, stop and coerce a child, because someone else might think or say something negative about us. It’s always about us, me, we, I and rarely if ever about the children.

You can’t wear your costume; we are going out in public.
I can’t hold the baby all the time or people will think she’s spoiled.
We can’t co-sleep, because the baby might never leave our bed.
No, you can’t dye your hair purple, grandmother will have a fit.
You have to sit in service and not go play on the playground.
You have to share.
Brush your hair, clean your face and tuck your shirt in.
What will people say about us when they find out you have your navel pierced?

And this list keeps going and going…is ever expanding to make up reasons why some kind of action is not allowed. What is more important, how happy & fulfilled our children are or what someone might say about us? I know those happy children when I see them…they often have chocolate and or marker smears on their faces, disheveled hair, smiling faces, mismatching socks and are carrying around a trick-or-treat pumpkin in July! This doesn’t mean that happy kids can’t be clean and neat, but rarely are they clean and neat without parental input or coercion.

Do we have the right to speak out against parental practices that are punitive, coercive, not respectful and those which do not honor the child as a whole person? Yes. Actually, we have a duty to bring information to light to break the cycle of traditional parenting. Our friends, colleagues, family, acquaintances and so on, come to us on a regular basis to ask our advice on parenting, to compare notes or to use us as a sounding board for their decisions. Those moments are the time to impart ideas, change minds and share your joy. Pointing out how a parent is treating their child and how that treatment relates to the issues they are having or trying to avoid can be very eye opening and transforming. Often times we just can not stop listening to those old tapes running in our heads and we need someone to step in and remind us of what kind of parent we want to be. Of course, mainstream parents do not like to be told that what they are doing isn’t respectful of their children and might actually be causing more harm in the long run…no one wants to be told this, but many of us aren’t very good at changing until we’ve become upset and have been given cause to reflect on just what we are doing versus what we want to be doing.

This wasn’t really meant to be so long or to be such a rant, but it happened. People continue to amaze me with how narrowly they view parenting, like it is not connected to everything else, like our decisions now do not effect the future. Parenting choices seem to be always about us, me, we, I and rarely if ever about the children. Maybe it is just my neo-hippie ass and my beatnik baby, but I want to be mindful of the entire process, the whole picture and not just what is right in front of me. In the meantime, I will continue to be respectful towards and accepting of my child, because it’s working for he and I.

For more information on things relevant to this rant:

Consensual Living
Authentic Parenting (video)
Parenting Peacefully
Effective Parenting
Living Joyfully
Radical Unschooling

If you want book recommendations, let me know.

 

Non-Coercive Parenting Part 3: Anarchist Parents

May 15, 2008 in Media, Parental, Politics with 13 Comments

I wanted to share a short interview with China Martens that Jakie Arsenuk of The F-Files did after China’s book The Future Generation: A Zine-Book for Subculture Parents, Kids, Friends and Others was published. 

This interview provides some insight into Anarchist Parenting and how not only is parenting a struggle, but that being a parent in the subculture and trying to do the right thing and treat your child like a human with respect is even more of a struggle in our oppressive world.

It also mentions how society’s and parents’ treatment of children and it’s oppressive nature is mirrored in other areas in our life, such as the treatment of people of color by those with fair skin and how women are oppressed by a male dominated society. Children (of all ethnicities and gender) are really victims too and deserve be included in our daily lives (including the politics thereof), treated with respect and have their autonomy supported.

 

Non-Coercive Parenting Part 2. & Unschooling in Perspective Part 1.

April 29, 2008 in Education, Life, Parental, Radical Unschooling, Religiosophy with 9 Comments

So, do you ever get tired of being asked, “what is unschooling”? Or are you someone who keeps asking but you haven’t found a person who can really put it into words for you? Neither of you are alone! I knew that before I ever conceived my son, I would be ‘educating him at home’ and so did my hubby. I never put much thought into ‘the how’ or really much thought into ‘the why’, but it only felt natural and right.

When I became pregnant, home education is exactly what I focused on…not the fact that I was about to give birth to a child! I started reading and researching everything about homeschooling. I discovered ‘unschooling’. It made sense, because that’s the way I envisioned homeschooling to be in the first place. So, I was rather shocked when I kept finding all these resources online that were VERY ‘school-at-home’ orientated. I guess being an Anarchist naturally puts me  at odds with any educational system or theory that uses control of/over children to ‘produce’ results (i.e. an educated child).

I always assumed that what parents did with their children on most days before they were ‘school aged’ and then sent away for 4 to 8 hours a day was unschooling. I mean, I know that no one really works at teaching their children how to talk, crawl or walk (barring some special cases) — we kind of have to figure that one out for ourselves in order to be able to communicate and interact with the Universe around us. How would this natural desire to figure things out and to explore our Universe go away if we never knew school? It doesn’t go away…until you go to school. Well, it might not go away completely, because we still (most of us) desire knowledge as adults and we find very non-mainstream ways of acquiring said knowledge at times. I have to admit though, I have been damaged by the public education system and most of those who are near and dear to me can attest to the same. As adults we spend our entire life trying to over come the damage of a childhood full of punishment and praise.

Back to unschooling. Unschooling led me to John Taylor Gatto and if ‘we’ are still naming Saints, then his name should be added to that list! Unschooling makes so much sense to me…why doesn’t it make sense to everyone else. Because everyone else has more faith in ‘experts’ than in themselves, let alone their children…not to mention that most people do not view children as real people with real feelings, thoughts and rights; they are only ‘second class’ citizens who can not be trusted and need to be constantly corrected and broken like some kind of wild animal.

Respecting children as though they are real people is step one. Trusting that they know what is better for them than anyone else is step two…because I hope that you know what is better for yourself than anyone else does. Not pushing one’s own agenda onto a child or forcing them to ‘cooperate’ (read: obey without question) because you are selfish and assume that because you are bigger and older you matter more than they do is step three. Step four comes after all that…it’s when true autonomy is respected…not given, because that implies that you could take it away if you wanted. When you do not forbid something, it loses it’s appeal or never gains appeal in the first place — children can and should be trusted with EVERYTHING.

Unschooling…yes, it is in all of this rambling. Once you are at a place where you are able to put into action Steps 1-4, then it only makes sense to NOT enroll your children into ANY kind of school against their will, unless there is ABSOLUTELY NO other option. Children are unschooled from birth (or conception, depending on what team you play for) and there is no magical age at which they stop learning and wanting to learn. And right now, I have to say that if you are still reading this and saying, “yeah that’s nice, but I had to endure school and I came out alright — why shouldn’t my kids be schooled too?”, I have to say you are one selfish person to even suggest that your children deserve to endure the same pain, punishment, pressure and boredom that you endured. People try to defend school by saying that it is some kind of ‘rite of passage’, when all they are doing is trying to rationalize why they are sending their children away — even when their heart aches for them to be home and even when their children are obviously not happy and not succeeding.

I think I could maybe be swayed into believing that the school system has my child’s best interest in mind and might be more equipped to care for their education than I, if and only if, the system’s own report card was not so laughable! And if I didn’t know what the system was really there for in the first place.

Ok, so fine. Hopefully you have gotten through my very biased rant and now you are asking, but ‘how’, if there isn’t a curriculum or plan or goal of some kind in place (but there is). I’ve been trying to explain this one for awhile now. I’ve been trying to really make a fairly concise description and still get everything in there…I can’t do it. But, I can give examples of it in action and I can think of some words and I can share the words of others. One mother in New York, blogs about how she wishes she could be honest about unschooling to fulfill state requirements and she has this to say (extracted from link above):

If I could write something for this IHIP that would actually reflect some of the spirit and scope of unschooling, I would focus on the following four concepts. These are concepts that we encounter in many forms every day and that seem to flow organically from Lucia’s exploration of the world around her.

Concept 1: Information is available and abundant.
Lucia will learn that her community is rich with resources. These include, among others, public libraries, museums, colleges and universities, research centers, nature centers, theatres and performance spaces, galleries, gardens, farms, and religious institutions. She will become comfortable using these resources. Lucia will identify her own interests and learning goals. She will locate and utilize appropriate resources, critically analyze and organize available information, and apply this information in the way that best suits her needs.

Concept 2: There are as many ways to live as there are people on the planet.
Lucia will explore many cultures. She will find that ideas are expressed in many ways: verbal, visual, physical, and sonic. She will experience different concepts of family, friendship, and love. She will understand that lifestyles are shaped by many factors, both internal and external. She will come to recognize that there are many forms of government in place all over the world and that some are more participatory than others. She will develop an idea about personal freedom and individual rights. She will be concerned with issues of social justice because they affect her and the people she cares about – even some she’s never met.

Concept 3: We are part of a natural system.
Lucia will experience her life as part of a dynamic, living system. Evolution is a chance occurrence that happens in response to environmental change. It has no direction and no goal. The idea that humans are somehow separate and distinct from other living things is sorely misguided and is largely responsible for the environmental crisis in which we find ourselves today. The earth existed for billions of years before us, and it will end without us.
But before that happens Lucia will learn that natural resources are finite. Our actions have consequences. Our consumption creates pressures elsewhere. The food that sustains us is a product of the earth. The waste we generate must go somewhere. Lucia will have the power to live as a conscientious steward of the earth. She will help her family strive to reduce our negative impact on nature’s balance. This can be a challenge in our modern, technological society. It requires thought and effort. But a feeling of kinship with nature can only enhance our experience of the world, adding texture, depth, and a sense of fulfillment.

Concept 4: Everything is connected.
Lucia will notice the connections among all of the concepts above. She will see, for example, how access to information affects personal freedom, how cultural belief systems affect people’s attitudes toward the environment, how participation in government can bring about legislation to improve a community’s handling of natural resources. There are countless possibilities. And it is within these connections that Lucia’s true education lies. In making these connections, she will begin to construct new and original ideas of her own.

I can just replace my son’s name wherever ‘Lucia’ appears and I’m done…for the most part! I think this beautifully captures and explains the curriculum part of unschooling, which is LIVING A REAL LIFE and learning from it! I can not really explain it better at the moment.

“But how will they learn XXX or XXX, if they never open a XXX book or never have to raise their hands to ask permission to pee or etc.?” Well, they might not, if they don’t need to. Really, how much of what was forced down your throat during school do you remember? And more importantly, how much have you needed to know to make it ‘in the real world’? If there was a certain subject that you really loved and one that you really hated, those are the two examples that are going to come into your mind right now. The first because you were genuinely interested and the second because you were being forced to ‘learn’ something that had no revelence to your life at the time…maybe you would have been ‘better’ at say math, if you hadn’t had to ‘learn’ it until you were a teenager or out in the ‘real world’ when you needed it.

The REAL World gets a lot of attention when it comes to unschooling and naysayers. As if school is the real world! I haven’t yet come across a situation in the real world yet (mind you I am only 26 at this time), that I have been prepared for because of school. In fact, there were TONS of things that I NEVER learned in school that I have needed out here in the real world that I have had to learn post-school. This doesn’t mean that my parents and other influences in my life didn’t teach me about some of the ‘life lessons’ mentioned in the article linked to, but I wasn’t taught most of them and I can not really remember being taught them in school or if I was, the information wasn’t presented in a manner that was relevant to my present state of being. Most of the things mentioned probably shouldn’t be taught or shouldn’t be expected to be taught in schools…but really, what should schools be ‘teaching’ in the first place? I think all schools should be Free Schools — at least if children are forced into going for whatever reason they’ll have a better chance at coming out the other side practically unschooled in a public manner! Is that really possible?

I’m going to do my best to explain unschooling as this blog progresses along…be patient though, it’s not easy…like most life lessons!

On a side note: I’m fascinated by the number of Radical Unschoolers out there who are not Anarchists (quite a few are Libertarians, so that can count…I guess).

 
Page 2 of 2«12