Natural Attachment

August 2, 2008

A Day in the Life of…An Introduction

Filed under: Radical Unschooling — Tags: , , , — michele james-parham @ 10:01 pm

A day in the life of…

I want to start having regular postings about our days. I know many people out there who are interested in unschooling and want to know ‘how it works’ and ‘what it looks like’ on a daily basis. So, I am going to attempt to grab days at random and days that seem to showcase ‘what it is’ to unschool.

I think it’s important to know that unschooling looks very different in every unschooling home. While you are waiting for me to start posting about our days, please visit some of the blogs on the right that I have listed, so that you can find snippets of other families’ daily lives and grand adventures.

I haven’t quite decided just how I am going to go about doing this. I’m not sure whether or not I want to journal the lucky days, as in: at 10am we woke up and did such and such until this happened at noon and so on and so on. Or I could showcase bits of days that are good examples of ‘unschooling moments’…not that every moment isn’t unschooling, but I think you know what I mean. I’m not sure just how bored I want readers to be! I feel like if I only present moments from a day, then readers who are new to or contemplating unschooling might think thats all there is or that there isn’t down time and moments of ‘nothing’ and ‘free play’. We’ll see how things develop here and change over time.

June 12, 2008

See, I’m not alone

Filed under: Radical Unschooling, Religiosophy — Tags: , , — michele james-parham @ 9:49 pm

I am not alone in my thinking. This mum has many of the same thoughts.

Unscholg One

Unscholg = Unschooling + (web)blog: things specific to OUR unschooling (not yours or there’s ); a log of unschooling.

I had originally wanted to write little bits and bots about our unschooling journey and what E is up to, but it’s really so hard for me to separate things out into little neat boxes for readers…unless I try super hard and over analyze everything thing we do. We are living and learning…learning is everything we do. Our educational philosophy, parenting philosophy and life are not one without the other. I am finally at a point where I don’t see in ’subjects’, but rather really neat and often profound connections that E makes between thing ‘A’ and thing ‘B’.

With that said, I’ll do my best to give a recap of the last week. This is just more of a list of things…I have expounded on some and left some comments here and there…it might make no real sense to many of you, but that’s why this here Unscholg is OURS and not YOURS!

5th:
Noggin TV
Walk to & from picking up CSA (it was hot & E wasn’t too happy; I felt sad for him)
Pick up CSA share
Online computer games w/Mum  (these vary & he insists on not playing the same one more than once!)
Asked to make hand-puppets at 11pm, which needed pipe cleaners and none could be found — we still haven’t found/bought pipe cleaners ;(

6th:
Noggin TV
Kapla blocks
Wooden blocks
Lincoln logs
5# dumbbell — he really likes this thing & actually uses it!
Online computer games w/ Mum

7th:
Noggin TV
Online computer games w/ Mum
Lincoln logs
Wooden blocks
Outside w/Mum - played with a ball & checked on the garden
Outside on screened porch (alone) - trucks & such
Figured out that it’s so much fun to open his Sigg bottle & make water messes!

8th:
Noggin TV
Took apart 2 dozen pens
Lacing beads
Online computer games w/ Mum
Made lots of food & water messes!

9th:
Noggin TV
Zingo w/Mum & he made up a memory-type game with the tiles too
New dinosaur puzzle
Summer box of goodies from Great Grandma J
One of his dismantled pens exploded & he was covered from head to toe in blue ink!
Long bath — his skin is still stained a bit though!

10th:
Noggin TV
Walk to & from Community Garden
Community Garden — weeded, watered (and played with water!) & dead-headed the spring onions.
Visited w/ Matt, Tracey, Annan & Dugan while at the garden
Online computer games w/ Mum
Kapla blocks
Watched me mix up & apply henna to my hand

11th:
Noggin TV
Sprout TV
Online computer games w/ Mum
Cardboard box car & related shenanigans
Very lazy day w/ lots of ‘just hanging out’!

12th: so far today
Sprout TV
Noggin TV
Walk to & from picking up CSA
Picked up CSA share & ate some of the strawberries on the way home
Online computer games w/ Mum
Made random made-up ‘organs’ w/ some Fidgets (neat little blocks stung together by elastic through the middle)

So, that’s it…man, maybe I should have picked a ‘better’ week to post with! Ha! Tomorrow we are going to be purchasing a Leapfrog Leapster for Elijah…he doesn’t know it yet! Hopefully it will be something new to engage him during our car rides during this vacation…and it might spawn a life-long obsession with ‘video games’…and that’s okay with me. So long as he enjoys himself and the others than are around him.

May 1, 2008

The Story of Stuff and Garbage Island

Filed under: Education, Environment, Politics, Retail — Tags: , , , , , — michele james-parham @ 9:09 pm

Two sobering and very easy to understand presentations about where Stuff comes from, plastic and related matters. Very good resources for educators or homeschoolers.

The Story of Stuff

TOXIC - Garbage Island

April 29, 2008

Non-Coercive Parenting Part 2. & Unschooling in Perspective Part 1.

So, do you ever get tired of being asked, “what is unschooling”? Or are you someone who keeps asking but you haven’t found a person who can really put it into words for you? Neither of you are alone! I knew that before I ever conceived my son, I would be ‘educating him at home’ and so did my hubby. I never put much thought into ‘the how’ or really much thought into ‘the why’, but it only felt natural and right.

When I became pregnant, home education is exactly what I focused on…not the fact that I was about to give birth to a child! I started reading and researching everything about homeschooling. I discovered ‘unschooling’. It made sense, because that’s the way I envisioned homeschooling to be in the first place. So, I was rather shocked when I kept finding all these resources online that were VERY ’school-at-home’ orientated. I guess being an Anarchist naturally puts me  at odds with any educational system or theory that uses control of/over children to ‘produce’ results (i.e. an educated child).

I always assumed that what parents did with their children on most days before they were ’school aged’ and then sent away for 4 to 8 hours a day was unschooling. I mean, I know that no one really works at teaching their children how to talk, crawl or walk (barring some special cases) — we kind of have to figure that one out for ourselves in order to be able to communicate and interact with the Universe around us. How would this natural desire to figure things out and to explore our Universe go away if we never knew school? It doesn’t go away…until you go to school. Well, it might not go away completely, because we still (most of us) desire knowledge as adults and we find very non-mainstream ways of acquiring said knowledge at times. I have to admit though, I have been damaged by the public education system and most of those who are near and dear to me can attest to the same. As adults we spend our entire life trying to over come the damage of a childhood full of punishment and praise.

Back to unschooling. Unschooling led me to John Taylor Gatto and if ‘we’ are still naming Saints, then his name should be added to that list! Unschooling makes so much sense to me…why doesn’t it make sense to everyone else. Because everyone else has more faith in ‘experts’ than in themselves, let alone their children…not to mention that most people do not view children as real people with real feelings, thoughts and rights; they are only ’second class’ citizens who can not be trusted and need to be constantly corrected and broken like some kind of wild animal.

Respecting children as though they are real people is step one. Trusting that they know what is better for them than anyone else is step two…because I hope that you know what is better for yourself than anyone else does. Not pushing one’s own agenda onto a child or forcing them to ‘cooperate’ (read: obey without question) because you are selfish and assume that because you are bigger and older you matter more than they do is step three. Step four comes after all that…it’s when true autonomy is respected…not given, because that implies that you could take it away if you wanted. When you do not forbid something, it loses it’s appeal or never gains appeal in the first place — children can and should be trusted with EVERYTHING.

Unschooling…yes, it is in all of this rambling. Once you are at a place where you are able to put into action Steps 1-4, then it only makes sense to NOT enroll your children into ANY kind of school against their will, unless there is ABSOLUTELY NO other option. Children are unschooled from birth (or conception, depending on what team you play for) and there is no magical age at which they stop learning and wanting to learn. And right now, I have to say that if you are still reading this and saying, “yeah that’s nice, but I had to endure school and I came out alright — why shouldn’t my kids be schooled too?”, I have to say you are one selfish person to even suggest that your children deserve to endure the same pain, punishment, pressure and boredom that you endured. People try to defend school by saying that it is some kind of ‘rite of passage’, when all they are doing is trying to rationalize why they are sending their children away — even when their heart aches for them to be home and even when their children are obviously not happy and not succeeding.

I think I could maybe be swayed into believing that the school system has my child’s best interest in mind and might be more equipped to care for their education than I, if and only if, the system’s own report card was not so laughable! And if I didn’t know what the system was really there for in the first place.

Ok, so fine. Hopefully you have gotten through my very biased rant and now you are asking, but ‘how’, if there isn’t a curriculum or plan or goal of some kind in place (but there is). I’ve been trying to explain this one for awhile now. I’ve been trying to really make a fairly concise description and still get everything in there…I can’t do it. But, I can give examples of it in action and I can think of some words and I can share the words of others. One mother in New York, blogs about how she wishes she could be honest about unschooling to fulfill state requirements and she has this to say (extracted from link above):

If I could write something for this IHIP that would actually reflect some of the spirit and scope of unschooling, I would focus on the following four concepts. These are concepts that we encounter in many forms every day and that seem to flow organically from Lucia’s exploration of the world around her.

Concept 1: Information is available and abundant.
Lucia will learn that her community is rich with resources. These include, among others, public libraries, museums, colleges and universities, research centers, nature centers, theatres and performance spaces, galleries, gardens, farms, and religious institutions. She will become comfortable using these resources. Lucia will identify her own interests and learning goals. She will locate and utilize appropriate resources, critically analyze and organize available information, and apply this information in the way that best suits her needs.

Concept 2: There are as many ways to live as there are people on the planet.
Lucia will explore many cultures. She will find that ideas are expressed in many ways: verbal, visual, physical, and sonic. She will experience different concepts of family, friendship, and love. She will understand that lifestyles are shaped by many factors, both internal and external. She will come to recognize that there are many forms of government in place all over the world and that some are more participatory than others. She will develop an idea about personal freedom and individual rights. She will be concerned with issues of social justice because they affect her and the people she cares about - even some she’s never met.

Concept 3: We are part of a natural system.
Lucia will experience her life as part of a dynamic, living system. Evolution is a chance occurrence that happens in response to environmental change. It has no direction and no goal. The idea that humans are somehow separate and distinct from other living things is sorely misguided and is largely responsible for the environmental crisis in which we find ourselves today. The earth existed for billions of years before us, and it will end without us.
But before that happens Lucia will learn that natural resources are finite. Our actions have consequences. Our consumption creates pressures elsewhere. The food that sustains us is a product of the earth. The waste we generate must go somewhere. Lucia will have the power to live as a conscientious steward of the earth. She will help her family strive to reduce our negative impact on nature’s balance. This can be a challenge in our modern, technological society. It requires thought and effort. But a feeling of kinship with nature can only enhance our experience of the world, adding texture, depth, and a sense of fulfillment.

Concept 4: Everything is connected.
Lucia will notice the connections among all of the concepts above. She will see, for example, how access to information affects personal freedom, how cultural belief systems affect people’s attitudes toward the environment, how participation in government can bring about legislation to improve a community’s handling of natural resources. There are countless possibilities. And it is within these connections that Lucia’s true education lies. In making these connections, she will begin to construct new and original ideas of her own.

I can just replace my son’s name wherever ‘Lucia’ appears and I’m done…for the most part! I think this beautifully captures and explains the curriculum part of unschooling, which is LIVING A REAL LIFE and learning from it! I can not really explain it better at the moment.

“But how will they learn XXX or XXX, if they never open a XXX book or never have to raise their hands to ask permission to pee or etc.?” Well, they might not, if they don’t need to. Really, how much of what was forced down your throat during school do you remember? And more importantly, how much have you needed to know to make it ‘in the real world’? If there was a certain subject that you really loved and one that you really hated, those are the two examples that are going to come into your mind right now. The first because you were genuinely interested and the second because you were being forced to ‘learn’ something that had no revelence to your life at the time…maybe you would have been ‘better’ at say math, if you hadn’t had to ‘learn’ it until you were a teenager or out in the ‘real world’ when you needed it.

The REAL World gets a lot of attention when it comes to unschooling and naysayers. As if school is the real world! I haven’t yet come across a situation in the real world yet (mind you I am only 26 at this time), that I have been prepared for because of school. In fact, there were TONS of things that I NEVER learned in school that I have needed out here in the real world that I have had to learn post-school. This doesn’t mean that my parents and other influences in my life didn’t teach me about some of the ‘life lessons’ mentioned in the article linked to, but I wasn’t taught most of them and I can not really remember being taught them in school or if I was, the information wasn’t presented in a manner that was relevant to my present state of being. Most of the things mentioned probably shouldn’t be taught or shouldn’t be expected to be taught in schools…but really, what should schools be ‘teaching’ in the first place? I think all schools should be Free Schools — at least if children are forced into going for whatever reason they’ll have a better chance at coming out the other side practically unschooled in a public manner! Is that really possible?

I’m going to do my best to explain unschooling as this blog progresses along…be patient though, it’s not easy…like most life lessons!

On a side note: I’m fascinated by the number of Radical Unschoolers out there who are not Anarchists (quite a few are Libertarians, so that can count…I guess).

April 23, 2008

Academic Translator for Unschoolers

Filed under: Education, Radical Unschooling — Tags: , , , , , — michele james-parham @ 11:13 pm

Cute! Something that I swear most of us unschoolers need. How is it that if it doesn’t sound school-ish then it can not possibly teach a child? Just because you don’t use (or even if you do) all the fancy $5 words to describe what is going on while “blowing bubbles in the garden”, children still have fun and make connections to apply to future experiences. Like for example, next time they see an oily spot on the ground in a parking lot, they might remember the same shimmery effect on the surface of their bubbles. It’s all connected and in their own time they’ll fill in and apply the $5 words to what they always enjoyed as a kid.

This is extracted from: the parenting pit - alternative parenting + unschooling

ACADEMIC TRANSLATOR

phoneFor those that unschool and yet have to report to some government agency… or the kids grandparents, why not buy our academic translator? simply say the activity that you have been pursuing (eg. blowing bubbles in the garden) and allow the translator to do its magic, in this case the results were: “todays lesson plan consisted of Chemistry, particularly working with the results of the saponification process from sodium and potassium fatty acid salts; Physics, examing surfactants and the Marangoni effect on liquid surface tension. A side experiment of light wave interference patterns from solar sources through viscous air borne fluids was also pursued.”

March 4, 2008

More on that Midwifery Madness and Stuff

If you have read the comments from the last post, you will find:

“It annoyed me that the two most prevalent trolls on all the homebirth blogs had to put their inane spin on it, but ehh, that’s what they’re here for, I guess.”

Yes, that is what they are there for and I am glad that they are over there. I have since left another comment on Sage Femme, which I am sure will be approved eventually, if not already. I guess I need to clarify and justify some of those things that I have said…not that I REALLY think that I need to, but see my brain is wired differently than most peoples’ brains.

First and foremost, I attack motivation by money, because that’s who I am. I don’t attack the need for a job for money to buy those things such as food and a life of health and safety. However, when you take something like midwifery or coming to the aide of birthing women and then bitch about not being able to make money from it, because of a lack in education or homogeneous education, credentialing, recognition or etc., you are then no better than what we all bitch about — doctors & insurance companies making bank from birth. Let’s face it, birth is HUGE business and why wouldn’t every ‘educator’, lactivist and birth aid want a piece of the pie? Because they should know better, that’s why. Women used to know the village midwife and cooked for her and gave her baskets and sewed blankets and she just did what came naturally to her.

Now let’s try to tackle education. I went to school K - 12, some college (some birth/midwifery related), apprenticeship and empirical knowledge. Do you want to know what prepared me the most and from where I have gained the most ‘knowledge’? From actually doing, seeing, observing, teaching and failing. I have learned by living life and sharing the experience with those whom I have served. That doesn’t mean that I found my way here through flailing and kicking and with an infant’s understanding of how ‘this all works’ (actually, that is sort of how I got my official start, but that’s another story all together). I was given more than a basic education in an odd sink or swim kind of way from an very kind and loving illegal Mexican granny midwife and then later from Jeannine Parvati Baker. I have been taught more and more as time has gone on from all the wonderful midwifes and sage women that I have encountered. But I have learned the most from the women and teenage girls whom I have had the pleasure of sharing their most intimate, powerful and vulnerable moments with. Have I continued to educate myself, yes (I’m passively seeking an ND degree) and will I continue, yes. Does that mean that I am better than some others, yes and there are a ’shit ton’ more who are better than me.

Do midwives NEED a unified/homogeneous education? If I say yes, then I probably wouldn’t have found myself where I am today and then I would be one of those who are perpetuating that lie that sage knowledge and heathen practices have no merit, are out of date and unscientific. We wouldn’t be here today if it wasn’t for a hell of a lot of unscientific practice — in all parts of life. If I say no, then I am now one of those heathen sages.

You can not truly measure what a person knows…you can see how many questions they can get right, you can see if a surgeon knows where to cut for a certain procedure (which is vitally important), but you can not measure what a person knows. There have been so many times that I have been moved to do certain things that I was never taught, but it turned out to be the right thing to do. There are certain things that I have been taught to do and could/would be taught to do (if I went to a formal educational institution) that I believe are truly unnecessary and usually dangerous when combined with pregnancy/childbirth. Some of my beliefs are backed by scientific studies and opinions, some by empirically learned and ‘obvious’ connections and then some are truly from the gut/heart and I might even go as far as to say from the Universe and it’s Great Architect (make of that what you will). Am I against those midwives wanting/seeking to become CNMs? No, I am not against them, but I am against much of their educational material, the rules and limits set on them by a patriarchal system of medicine and many of them continuing to perpetuate the practice of unnecessary and often dangerous interventions used against pregnant and birthing women. I am not saying that every one them wants to do these things, but is needing to be able to bill insurance companies and not losing your license because you stood up for something worth the damage/trauma/fear you might cause another human being(s)? Great, you can travel to rural settings and care for people who are far from hospitals and clinics, and you will in theory help less fortunate women, but all with the stipulation that your hands are truly tied from doing at times, what you KNOW is right. You might have a legal obligation to your license and to your overseeing hospital/physician, but you have a much stronger MORAL/ETHICAL OBLIGATION to honor a pregnant/birthing woman and her child(ren) with the rights and with the sanctity of living. Being right, being legal and begin safe are not always friends.

Credentials…again, what the fuck does a piece of paper mean? You can afford a license and it’s fees. You can pass a test that most people can if they prep well enough. You can answer to regulations — because, let’s face it, I don’t know of a credential (specifically a ‘medical’ one) that doesn’t come with it limits and regulations. I am sure we have all experienced a professional who was licensed and credentialed who didn’t know which way was up and we thought to ourselves, ‘ this guy went to school?’. I know to my mother, when she completed nursing school, her credentials meant that she had completed something and that she had accomplished a goal that took her far to many years to reach. I know that when my aunt passed the medical boards exam or when my uncle passed the bar exam that they were equally as proud at completing something. It has brought them joy and it has brought them pain. I am not trying to discredit a degree and credentials, but you have to be more than a piece of paper and a license fee. You have to BE what the people WANT.

If a group of people need something they will find a way to get it or to create it. That has been the case since man first sprung up on this green planet. If a community (be it a geographic community or a ideological community) wants a midwife and needs a midwife, it will make one. It will elect one. We’ve almost always done this, until we started seeing ‘all the possibilities’ in midwifery and then once again when we were practically buried for good. If Jane Doe decides that her calling is to be ‘with woman’ and she represents a need and presents the knowledge that the community seeks, then she will become a midwife. If she isn’t what they want or doesn’t answer their questions and leaves them uncertain, then she will either be a terrible midwife or not one at all. Mainstream mentality tends to discredit the average and ‘below-average’ person in its ability to both recognize what it needs and to see it when it presents itself. If, when or unless a woman ceases to have the right to choose when, where, why, how and with whom to be pregnant and birthing, then she should have just that right and it shouldn’t make a damn bit of difference whether the person she picks is certified, educated, recognized or approved by the government or one of it’s subsidiaries. If we are truly mindful of ourselves and those around us, we would see the injustice in a government or other such institution telling us what we can and can not do regarding our bodies…and as far as I am concerned, if and until a baby is birthed or extracted from our bodies, we hold the ultimate power over what is done do it or not done to it. We can debate things post birth later in another time, when I have calmed down from this fire some!

Am I selfish? Yes, you bet your ass I am. I am a self preservationist. That doesn’t mean that I don’t have a huge heart and desire to help out as many of my fellow Earth dwellers (both human and non), but if I can’t help myself, then I can’t help you. Could I go and sit through the NARM exam and become a CPM? Yes, with some strings pulled, letters of documentation and the usual hoops for alternate certification. Why then, have I not done it? I don’t want to. I haven’t NEEDED to — it hasn’t been a factor with my clients or where I lived when I started and it’s not a factor where I live now. If CPMs become legal here in PA, I still won’t get certified. It’s the very principle of getting certified that makes someone like me even more legally limited. If CPMs were legal, it would mean regulation and with regulation comes requirements. Midwives required to do this and to do that, whether or not they would do those things without regulation. It would limit certain skills and my abilities to serve clients authentically to their needs/culture/situation or other factors. It would leave a less diversified pool of midwives to pull from. I would have to phase a lot of things with, ‘I don’t require this, but the state makes me insist on such and such or else I can’t practice midwifery or you can’t birth at home with me’. While I am all for and a huge supporter of unassisted childbirth, I don’t think that a mother should be forced into birthing unassisted because the government and its sons have placed ultimatums on community midwives and how they can serve their community. I can not willingly place myself under state reign or campaign for others to be forced to abide by its politics and lobbyist schemes. Unfortunately, in our times, birth is as much political as it is physical and metaphysical.

So, what about low-income, minority and other under served clients? I’m not sure, because that’s who I am serving. I ask a fee for services, but it’s more of a suggestion. My husband would like for it to be a contract! Here’s what I feel I should receive for my time and resources in a perfect world…not what I think they are worth, because at certain times they are priceless. Have I ever been paid the full amount, yes. Have I ever been paid nothing at all, not even something material in exchange, yes — but I knew that this would be the case before I ever agreed to anything. Do I usually receive money, yes; or other compensation, yes. Have clients tried to claim for reimbursement, yes - some have won and others haven’t. Would I get paid more if I could bill insurance companies? No, or maybe a little here and there, but insurance companies expect me to actually DO something in order to get money from them. I can’t just sit on my hands in another room and bill for my time. I would have to DO things and gasp be more ‘doctor-ly’ or ‘nurse-ish’. Both things that I don’t want to be nor do my clients want me to be. So, I continue to be passionate about something that I love and pass on the knowledge that I have to other women, so that they can ‘bill themselves’.

Exactly who do you serve, Michele (I get a kick out of me in third person!)? Right now, mainly young radical Anarchist or as well educated, white, middle class women (who everyone else is serving apparently) might refer to them as ‘punks’, ‘outcasts’ or even a few other as ‘hippies’. I am a radical and I tend to stick with ‘my kind’…not because I couldn’t serve anyone else (I have had clients of all walks and with all degrees of bulging and empty wallets), but because they are under served, discredited, unappreciated and very much aware of what they need and want. I come from a completely different mind set than most midwives…I didn’t start out serving ‘posh’ women and ‘trend mongers’. I started out with poor illegal Mexicans, very low/no income white and black families, but mainly single and teen mothers. There have been the religiously fundamental (of various stripes) and those who were simply afraid of doctors and hospitals and fearful of what they might do to them or their child. I have seen some desperate souls, but they were more full of light and understanding then all of these policy pushers crammed together.

Who knows, maybe one day, I will grow up and realize that this isn’t about life, beauty, autonomy and freedom, but it’s really all about who is ‘with money’, who is privileged and what they think is better for the rest of us. Maybe I won’t always be so radical…maybe I’ll stop caring one day. But right now, all I see are the rights of so many women being trampled on and many of the women who serve them are being trampled on even harder. Midwifery is not Nursing; midwifery is not Allopathic or medical. Midwifery is (w)holistic; midwifery is ‘with woman wisdom’ - you could say it’s the wisdom one gains from being ‘with woman’.

Jah Love and Peace

March 2, 2008

Midwifery Education and Madness

Filed under: Education, Law, Midwifery, Politics — Tags: , , , , , , , — michele james-parham @ 3:45 pm

So, this is about midwifery and the madness surrounding education, professionalism and the usual list of complaints.

I left this comment over at Sage Femme after reading Midwifery Education and these two other posts:

“I’ve taken the time to read the two blogs and their posts…I feel sad that there is so much talk about money, insurance and ‘needing’ something (education, credential, otherwise) to prove ‘we’ are something that ‘we’ are not. I am not here to be a nurse, a doctor or any other ‘professional’ — I am here to educate, stimulate, empower and guide. I am not here to be paid…though I usually do :)

I want knowledge, as knowledge carries with it power. However, I don’t want to be forced to ‘do’ something just because I know how. There is, as I see it, an underlying fact, which many never see or talk about and that is: Doctors want us to be and act more like doctors if we are going to be around and Homebirthers want us to be and act less or nothing like doctors if we are going to be around. it can not have it both ways and becoming a CNM is not the ‘middle ground’ or the bandaide.

I also take offense to all the ‘hippie-dippy’ comments. As if those who are less Earth-minded or spiritual are somehow more professional and able to do their jobs.

I don’t want the recognition that comes with being a nurse, because that’s not what I need. I need healthy, happy and honored birthing families.”

As some of you might have figured out from reading things of mine from archives on the old blog, I am not certified or licensed by anyone — I don’t want to be. Once I ‘hand over’ myself to an organization or institution I have to do things their way. I am not even a certified doula, because I couldn’t figure out how to ‘wear two hats’ as a midwife and a doula — DONA is VERY restrictive in what you can and can not say to clients…as a midwife, the knowledge that I have and the advice that I can pass on are not allowed when dealing with a client who is only a doula client and not a midwifery client. So, since I don’t like being limited by artificial means, I chose not to be christened a certified doula or a certified/licensed midwife.

The fact of the matter is, if those around you that you are in the service of think that you are not a competent midwife, that you are dangerous, irresponsible, not ‘professional’ enough, etc., you will know it and you will not be doing much in the way of midwifery for very long. If you don’t like how someone is treating you, you tend to call them out or at the very least avoid them — and more importantly, you usually tell someone else about it. Why do you think there is always that one midwife who ‘everyone’ loves and they tell all their friends about her?

But it’s more than that. If you know you are not capable of doing something, you won’t keep trying to fool others or yourself for that matter for very long. It’s not like midwives are making enough money to risk harm to a mother or her babe — most doctors are. I’m not saying that midwives would act so carelessly, but it is something to think about…money can be fucking scary.

I guess what’s even more important for me and why I can’t relate to the urge for the creation of and the medical establishment’s recognition of University educated midwives is that I don’t want to be a midwife. I don’t want there to be midwives. I want women to be their own midwives. Birth is as safe as life gets. Women used to know how their bodies worked, women used to know how to give birth and what to do if, ‘the cords wrapped around the neck’, ‘I feel faint’, ‘I’m bleeding more than I should be’. We used to have the knowledge of who we are and what we are capable of…we used to know what to do when things got messy. Sometimes mothers die and sometimes babies die and that’s the way it is, but that is for another conversation altogether. We can know these things again and do these things again if there are women (and men!) out there to pass on that knowledge and rekindle the flame of self-preservation within each and everyone of us. We used to have community, tribes and villages - all full of women who knew what the hell was going on. We don’t have that and that is exactly what we NEED. More women should be educated in women. Plain and simple. We need more guardians of birth, less midwives and more doctors who realize the reason they don’t see natural spontaneous births is because they don’t want to sit on their hands and wait around for them to happen.

America is ranked so low on almost every aspect of medical care in the world (there are 41 other countries with better infant mortality rates than us), but we are one of the most technologically and medically advanced nations in the world. We have more toys and techno tricks than we know what to do with. I’m not saying that there are never times when something outside the usual birthing mother’s house should be implemented during labor, but rarely should labor start out with hooks, tubes, monitors and drugs.

I am not done with this, I could go on for ever, I think, but I have to stop somewhere. Please let me know how you feel.

February 2, 2008

Life Skills are Best Learned…

Filed under: Education, Radical Unschooling — Tags: , , , — michele james-parham @ 6:52 pm

…living life, in your family/neighborhood, community, city, county, state, nation…world! Unless your child’s high school has a ‘personal finance’ class, s/he is not going to learn how to balance a check book; unless/until, you show them yours and how you do it, they get there own joint account with you or they never have one until they are out in the real world and then most of us (myself included) screw up royally in the beginning or actually ‘never’ really learn how to manage our money or how to simply add deposits and subtract withdraws.

I can think of SO many more examples, but this one very basic, simple, yet important life skill came first to my mind. Go read the article…it’s great and you might just learn something or decide that it is high time that you find out whether or not your child is learning the skills named in the article.

Cheers!

Michele

27 Skills that Your Child Needs to Know That She’s Not Getting in School!

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"Do you ever wonder who the leader is? Do you ever stop and think that you could stop following and start leading your own family?" - Valerie Fitzenreiter

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