Natural Attachment

Is my child sheltered? Are we a privileged family? As an Anarchist, how can I unschool & other similar ‘opt out’ actions? Can I really be a Feminist and be a Mother?

Is my child sheltered?
I’d have to say no up front, but then ask you to elaborate on the question behind the question. His friends are limited to the children of parents I am friends with and those in the community that we see frequently — and they are not all of the same ‘tribe’. Would he have a more diverse group of peers if he was to be in school…yes, to some degree I am sure. I also think that if we were simply able to move from the Northside of Pittsburgh (which is soaked in “white guilt” money), he would have a more diverse group of children to interact with and more children to relate to whose parents believe in treating them like autonomous individuals rather than property or mere inconveniences on their lives. E. is not sheltered from ‘reality’ and what is reported on the news…though we don’t watch the news. He knows about social ills and why we do the things that we do to not feed more money into institutions and corporations that perpetuate these ills. He also realizes that even his father and I do not agree on everything and how we manage. He trusts us and we trust him. He is almost five at the time of writing this…so, I am very comfortable with saying that yes, he is sheltered from a lot of what goes on, but not to an extent that he is shocked or devastated by events when they happen. He asks questions, gets answers and moves on. As E. gets older and starts doing more things in the community and more things on his own, he will be exposed to even more things and gain even deeper knowledge of the world that surrounds him.

Are we able to ‘do this’ (unschool) because we are privileged?
The short answer, no. We are surviving, pay our bills and eat. We are happy and have things…wouldn’t mind having more things from time to time, but we aren’t lacking basic needs. But we are definitely Low Income and not middle class or higher. Are we more privileged than others, yes, but we aren’t holding anyone back or keeping anyone down. We also believe so strongly in respecting our child and being authentic to his needs that we would do about anything to make sure we could continue to offer him the ability to experience life by living day to day in ‘the real world’ and not locked behind a school’s walls where he would have to ask permission (and often be denied) to piss. Where he would be singled out because he is biracial and would be considered ‘at-risk’. Where he would be force fed information not relevant to his life in the present and punished for not testing well. He would be indoctrinated with ‘character education’, which his father and I find absolutely absurd. He would be told that sex is evil and be denied accurate information to keep himself and others safe and healthy. He would be ‘at-risk’ in a school’s care. We are able to ‘do this’, because we want to prevent our son from becoming another blind member of this nation.

As an Anarchist, how can I unschool & other similar ‘opt out’ actions? Aren’t I just adding to the problem?
Please, I am so sick of hearing this point of view. If we really wanted to change the system them we should do it from the inside out. We should have our children enrolled and we should be there volunteering etc etc. You can not change this system of schooling, which we are cursed with; you have to demolish it and start anew. I can not do that by subjecting my child to the shit (big and little) that goes on in schools. I am not oppressing people who ‘are not so privlaged’ by keeping my child out of the system. If there is a will, there is a way. You can fight this too. It isn’t easy and it can mean a lot of self sacrifice…but I guess that’s too much to ask from some of my fellow Anarchists and Feminists. We all do what we can with the knowledge we have at hand and we do better when we are shown better. By not forcing school and all that it entails on my child and my family, I am showing others that there is another way. There is a better way for many out there who are suffering and their children are suffering. My child learns from the actions and words of those around him; so do you and so does everyone else. Stop trying to tell me that in order to be a ‘good Anarchist’ I have to subject my child to the very shit I am fighting against — fuck you!

Can I really be a Feminist and be a Mother?
Yes! Did I want to be a Mother? Yes. Do I think women should have the right to choose when, where and how to have or not have children? Yes. How do I really feel? I think it is wrong and cruel for women to have children they have no intention to raise with respect. I think it is wrong to make decisions for your child that only and always cater to your desires. If having a child (who is very dependent on you) is too much for your wants/needs/desires and too much of an inconvenience on your way of life, then do NOT have children. Do not have children simply because society expects you to have them. Do not have children so that you can pay someone else to raise them to afford you the ‘freedom’ to pursue your own plans. If you are going to give birth and raise a child then know what that means. It doesn’t mean that you will NEVER have your own time or that you can not pursue your own wants. But once you have a child you should realize that the world is no longer only spinning for you, but for you both. Yes, please find friends (or keep old friends) and go out and do things for yourself. Find time to work college, independent study, employment or hobbies into your life, but not in place of being a Mother. You can gain an education, you can work and you can paint without never seeing your children and without needing a partner. It does take work and effort, which as a Mother, I hope you are willing to put forth for your child. Is it possible? Yes, but it is often times fucking painful in a world that is oppressed by Patriarchal systems.

Can you really be a ‘radical’ and embrace/practice Radical Unschooling? Hell yes and you don’t have to be a ‘white, hetero, middle/upper class family’. And if you don’t fit that stereotype, it’s even more important that you take another look at Radical Unschooling. It might be the answer YOUR family has been searching for.