Natural Attachment

I am always trying to advocate this idea to everyone I meet. I talk about being authentic to yourself and your child. Honoring the authentic needs and abilities of those around you. I’ve mentioned being authentic to my homebirthing clients’ needs. I hope that one day we can all learn this ability and rebuild our ‘tribes’ for the sake of everyone’s wellbeing.

THE DAILY GROOVE ~ by Scott Noelle
www.enjoyparenting.com/dailygroove

:: Rethinking Sociality ::

We humans are social animals, and for the vast
majority of humanity’s time on Earth, human societies
took the form of *tribes*.

Modern civilization has undermined our innate
sociality in many ways. For example, the “virtue” of
self-sacrifice for the collective good defies our
natural pleasure orientation.

In a healthy tribal society, where everyone is
emotionally *attuned* with everyone else, individual
and collective pleasure go hand in hand, for there is
more pleasure to be had when one’s choices serve both
oneself *and* the collective.

But in our society, with its complexity, alienation,
and legacy of “dominator” values, it takes an
extraordinary kind of consciousness for one to
re-create that interpersonal attunement in a way that
actually feels good.

Think about the things you say and do in order to “be
social” — especially around your children and other
parents. Do you ever sacrifice your authenticity to
appear “good” or “nice”?

You may notice that being socially appropriate (i.e.,
doing/saying the “right” thing) frequently requires
you to be INauthentic.

For example, in certain parenting situations you may
feel social pressure to *control* your child when
you’d rather be relaxed and accepting.

Quite often the real purpose of “being social” is
to protect others from their own small-mindedness.
Such is the case when mothers are pressured to
avoid nursing in public.

So being authentic — even when it seems “anti-social”
– may actually be *more* social, because it creates
opportunities for others to question their limiting
beliefs.

When you honor Who You Really Are — *and* you
look beyond others’ disempowering beliefs to honor
Who THEY Really Are — you contribute to the greater
good of society.

Today, whenever you choose authenticity over
conventional sociality, decide that you *are* being
social… They just don’t know it yet!

http://dailygroove.net/sociality

Feel free to forward this message to your friends!
(Please include this paragraph and everything above.)
Copyright (c) 2008 by Scott Noelle

Creating Child-friendly Anarchist Space:

HOW TO SUPPORT PARENTS’ & CHILDREN’S PARTICIPATION @ ANARCHIST GATHERINGS

(Suggestions and tips from various parents on the Anarchist Parenting List Serv)

That’s how I feel most days when I have to interact with other parents. Not child-free people — they tend to be more rational, because they don’t feel the overwhelming oppression to be super parents in the eye of society or the mainstream. It’s really hard to talk about what you do and don’t do without sounding like you are putting down another parent’s choices.

It’s almost impossible to impart an idea or solution when it comes to parenting, because the person receiving the idea or solution will inevitably either ask ‘why, would you do XXX’ or they immediately recoil with, ‘well, we XXX and there are just some things that we don’t or can’t XXX’. Then don’t ask me for my ideas.

It is impossible for someone to ask me about why I unschool with my son, because to do so, is to point out directly and indirectly, negatives about schooling. No one wants to be told that the problems they are having with their children are most likely directly connected to school and or the parents’ expectations of education for their child.

I can’t really talk about authentic/peaceful/respectful parenting without horribly offending another parent. We live in such a rule-bound society that to even mention the idea that you have very few or no rules, is like admitting to getting drunk and high and driving through school crossings at 90 mph! The idea of not using rewards, punishments and bribes also seems to make parents’ faces crinkle up and then ask, ‘well, what if he hits his little brother? Do I just not do anything?’…yes, of course that’s what I mean! It’s like we’ve been so convinced that nothing but shaming and punishment can express morality or ethics. I love those parents who spank/swat/slap/hit to punish a child for hitting…wow, the logic just escapes me.

And respecting a child’s intelligence and autonomy is another hot issue. You mean, you let him choose…no, I don’t ‘let’ him choose anymore than I ‘let’ my friend or husband choose. But it can not always be about your child…nor can it always be about you, the parent. It appears that most people can not and will not ever get over the whole, but I am his/her parent and they are the child — I own them and the right to direct their lives mentality. The excuse is always that they are children and do not have the mental maturity to handle certain situations and so on. Yes, but that doesn’t mean that because you are bigger and ‘more intelligent/mature’ that you have all the rights and power.Children are shorter, smaller, less mature and less experienced. It’s my job to help guide my child beyond his current state…like showing an intern around the office and explaining how the copier works…really, I am serious with that analogy.

I am guiding and providing for an inexperienced adult, who is a separate human being with his own personality, wants, needs, thoughts and pace in life. It would be illogical, rude and pretentious of me to think I have the right to make and enforce decisions on his behalf. We are in this together. What I need/want and what he needs/wants are not always the same and are not always compatible, but there is almost always a way to see that everyone is taken care of, even if it means everyone has to give a little — not that my son must give it all up, because I’m ‘in charge’. That doesn’t mean that there are not times where my ‘have to’ is paramount…sometimes there are things which have to be done and no amount of schedule arranging can occur to make it so that my son can opt out. But, I carefully examine my ‘have to’ things and see where I can change them or make them enjoyable for everyone. (a common ‘have to’ mentioned by parents is, “we have to go to the store/doctor/hair salon”). The important thing here is to limit your ‘have to’ events that would require your child’s compliance/inclusion…if limited to only those truly necessary, it limits the powerlessness that a child feels in these situations and they tend to ‘act better’ and not ’cause problems’ or ‘act out’ during these events.

I believe (or rather really want to believe) in the meme that every parent and family has to find what works for them. Unfortunately, it often appears that what ‘works for the family’, is really ‘what works for the parents’. I guess it’s really hard for the mainstream to listen to their instincts, listen to and watch their children for cues and not turn to and rely upon ‘experts’ or parenting memes. I am sure everyone has heard some form or another of, ‘I really felt like what I/we were doing was right, but XXX says that I/we were wrong…it pains me and I am torn.’ Here’s a tip, if it pains you and you are torn, then changing what you had been doing might not have been the best thing for your family.

I have a hard time of explaining myself without offending or without making the other person feel guilty. But, I have always thought of being offended and feeling guilty as defense mechanisms that should cause me to really figure out why I feel that way and to reflect on the subject at hand…and possibly change my thoughts and actions. Nobody wants to be wrong, especially when it comes to parenting, and it’s okay and totally expected that we will all screw up, but is it really that important to freak out every time someone calls you out on your ideas or actions?

So, now I will rant about a couple of these parenting issues that I see as screw ups and why…because I want to and I need to vent.

Candy/Food Bribing/Restrictions:
With all the issues surrounding food, why would anyone use food as a kind of behavioral currency? We don’t want our children to get fat, yet we bribe them with food (usually junk food) to do ‘good things’…because we wouldn’t want them to just ‘be good’ for ‘goodness sake’. Funny thing is, usually the bribing is done to coerce a child to do something that they do not want to do…would you treat your partner or best friend like that — oddly, many people do and it’s rather insulting. And the limiting of food…there is no better way to ensure that a child will ‘do nothing but eat cake’, than to forbid or restrict the eating of said cake — you can apply this to sex, drugs, TV and ‘fill-in-the-blank’ too. I mean, if you tell me I can only eat it after dinner or on Friday evenings, well I am going to gorge on it, because it will soon be out of my reach until the next ‘cake-eating-time-installment’. Elijah recently figured out that if he ate an entire dark chocolate bar, he felt ill for two days…he now limits his chocolate intake. It’s the parents’ job to set a good model by eating well and providing groceries for young children, which fosters healthy eating.

Helicopter Parents:
I don’t think I really should have to mention this, but I guess I do. Hovering over another person has to feel odd for the person hovering, as well as the person being hovered over. How on Earth are our children ever going to be competent adults when we are constantly micromanaging their every move and intervening at every sign of squabble or difficulty? If I ever have a daughter and she chooses to go to a prom or other ‘fancy dance’, I hope that she’s capable of picking out her own dress and only asks me to come along for support and a critical eye, not because she can’t make a decision without me coordinating everything. I also hope that as my son grows, he will be more and more able to ‘work things out’ among he and his friends, since I don’t always step in and do it for them. I hope when they fall down (and I really want them to from time to time), they think to stand up and not look for me to pick them up every time. It’s really okay for your children to not be in your line of sight always and forever…it’s really okay for you to relax and let them do stuff that might result in a skinned knee. More on Free Range (cage free!) Kids and Anti-Helicopter Parenting here.

I have more, but I don’t have the time. I’m just venting. I am thankful for the radical parents, unschooling parents and such that I know who ‘get it’ and don’t make me feel like the odd one. Maybe I only appreciate them, because they are like-minded and maybe that’s just okay…

I am so ‘scene one‘ that it hurts every time I try to get involved with ’scene two’. I get nervous and start doing things to my child and saying things to him that I would not do otherwise — it’s like a virus from which there is no real immunity other than avoidance. I desperately seek out others, but I always seem to find those on the fence or ‘pretending’ to be like-minded, but in reality they are really just ‘traditional parents’ who happened to breastfeed or co-sleep or whatever — not to down play those things, because I feel they are really important, but it’s hard to find other parents who are where I am (most of use are hiding!).

So, if there are other Radical Unschoolers out there who are wanting to come out from hiding and join up with myself and others, please drop me a line. Do it for the kids!

In recent blog activity, a fellow Anarchist and I had gone back and forth about the difference between rules and principles and about whether or not it’s possible to be a non-coercive parent and not over step your natural bounds. We are on opposite ends of the matter.

I wanted to use this space to share a couple links on the matter. I think it’s important to envision the idea of living by principles rather than rules…I think it’s then that one can see how arbitrary and useless rules and control are. Since my ideas stem first from being a parent with a deep respect for my own intuition, second from our radical unschooling and third because I am an Anarchist…not all of the links are solely about parenting in general, but are about radical unschooling, which is more of a lifestyle choice and really goes beyond parenting and education methods. Find something that you enjoy.

Rules vs. Principles by Danielle Conger  (her entire site is fantastic for unschoolers)

Living by Principles Instead of by Rules (another radical unschooling goldmine website)

Ben Lovejoy on Living by Principles instead of by Rules

Control and its related problems

Where is the edge of unschooling? (more about control, regulating & rules)

Holly’s expressions of surprise and disbelief

Logic and Parenting

Freedom/Choices/Empowerment/Respect

I realize there is a lot here, but I could offer a lot more. Reflection is key and I know that before the ‘ah ha’ moment happened for me, I was a much more stressed out and plain old bitchy Mother. I am still learning and more importantly starting to rewrite all of the negative parenting & interacting with people that I inherited from my environment growing up.

So I wanted to share an observation with you readers. I have really noticed a difference in the flow of playdates, groups and other events that involve many children…the differences between these events populated by a large majority of subculture (punks, Anarchist, etc.) parents versus those populated by more mainstream parents. The differences that I point out become even stronger the bigger the group of people involved.

Scene One: The Subculture Gathering…

• Lots of children all ages scattered to all four corners and intermingled with adults of all ages. Not every adult present is a parent, but has the capacity to act like one for a couple hours.
• You might not know where your child is, but you know where at least 12 other children are and at least 12 other adults around you know where your child is.
• Children have no issue grabbing the nearest adult to get help with food, drinks, games or going to the bathroom. They trust that person will help or will grab the closest person who can. It doesn’t have to be that child’s parent…it doesn’t matter.
• An often random sampling of adults, will unconsciously rotate in organizing group games for the kids, without being asked to…well, a kid might ask them to, but there isn’t a sign up sheet.
• You don’t hear much of, if any crying upon arriving or leaving.
• Squabbles between kids are handled by kids and whichever adult is closest…no one has to worry in these situations that the involved adult will make your child feel insignificant or physically harm them, even if they are the kid who did just hit so&so for no reason. Chances are, you won’t even know anything happened unless your kid is hurt and then like magic you are reunited with your child.
• Somehow everyone knows which kids are vegan without asking.
• You aren’t shocked when you see so&so’s baby being passed around to you and you magically know exactly where so&so is when her baby starts trying to nurse on you, even if you haven’t actually seen her up until that point.
• It reminds me of a village.

Scene Two: The Mainstream Gathering…

• Someone is crying when you get there and someone is crying when you leave, regardless of who they are or who their parents are.
• There are usually several children clinging to their parents, while their parents try desperately to have a conversation with another adult.
• At least 6 times in an hour you will hear, “mommy, so&so isn’t playing right/hit me/etc”…it doesn’t matter if your child never does this, but here s/he will.
• You are pretty much solely responsible for your child, because after all, I have my own to take care of.
• You will probably be looked at with suspect if one child hits another and you don’t send the hitter to ‘time out’/give a firm talking to/etc…whatever ‘your’ group expects of it’s members, but rather you try to work it all out peacefully.
• No one will know what your child can and can not eat, even if they have asked you a billion times.
• Games and such are usually preplanned and someone is assigned the duty of making sure they happen…because flying by the seat of your pants with kids is dangerous and chaotic!
• Babies aren’t usually passed around to give a mama a break and if so, she’s not likely to leave baby out of her sight.
• Children must seek out their own parents for help with food, drinks and bathroom needs, because they don’t usually feel comfortable with ’strangers’.
• You sort of have this feeling of needing to hover over your child…for no real reason, other than everyone else is doing it with their children.
• Adults that are present who aren’t parents might often be overheard saying, “why don’t you go find your mum/dad and see if they can help you/play with you/etc.”
• It seems a lot like a forced friendship to me and not at all like a village.

Now, before you go yelling at me and telling me that’s not the way it is with your group, I didn’t say always and in every group and at every activity. Not every group are like these examples. I happen to belong to a fantastic example of Scene One and have been a member of Scene Two many times…I have to say that while I have made many friends from Scene Two…they were really Scene One and didn’t realize it.

Oh, and it appears easier for Scene Two to integrate into Scene One, but not so for the reverse.

What about you, have you been on both sides of the fence and can report a noticeable difference? Have you been part of one of these groups and had the exact opposite experience? Did I leave out any major characteristics and differences?

I wanted to share a short interview with China Martens that Jakie Arsenuk of The F-Files did after China’s book The Future Generation: A Zine-Book for Subculture Parents, Kids, Friends and Others was published. 

This interview provides some insight into Anarchist Parenting and how not only is parenting a struggle, but that being a parent in the subculture and trying to do the right thing and treat your child like a human with respect is even more of a struggle in our oppressive world.

It also mentions how society’s and parents’ treatment of children and it’s oppressive nature is mirrored in other areas in our life, such as the treatment of people of color by those with fair skin and how women are oppressed by a male dominated society. Children (of all ethnicities and gender) are really victims too and deserve be included in our daily lives (including the politics thereof), treated with respect and have their autonomy supported.

Is my child sheltered? Are we a privileged family? As an Anarchist, how can I unschool & other similar ‘opt out’ actions? Can I really be a Feminist and be a Mother?

Is my child sheltered?
I’d have to say no up front, but then ask you to elaborate on the question behind the question. His friends are limited to the children of parents I am friends with and those in the community that we see frequently — and they are not all of the same ‘tribe’. Would he have a more diverse group of peers if he was to be in school…yes, to some degree I am sure. I also think that if we were simply able to move from the Northside of Pittsburgh (which is soaked in “white guilt” money), he would have a more diverse group of children to interact with and more children to relate to whose parents believe in treating them like autonomous individuals rather than property or mere inconveniences on their lives. E. is not sheltered from ‘reality’ and what is reported on the news…though we don’t watch the news. He knows about social ills and why we do the things that we do to not feed more money into institutions and corporations that perpetuate these ills. He also realizes that even his father and I do not agree on everything and how we manage. He trusts us and we trust him. He is almost five at the time of writing this…so, I am very comfortable with saying that yes, he is sheltered from a lot of what goes on, but not to an extent that he is shocked or devastated by events when they happen. He asks questions, gets answers and moves on. As E. gets older and starts doing more things in the community and more things on his own, he will be exposed to even more things and gain even deeper knowledge of the world that surrounds him.

Are we able to ‘do this’ (unschool) because we are privileged?
The short answer, no. We are surviving, pay our bills and eat. We are happy and have things…wouldn’t mind having more things from time to time, but we aren’t lacking basic needs. But we are definitely Low Income and not middle class or higher. Are we more privileged than others, yes, but we aren’t holding anyone back or keeping anyone down. We also believe so strongly in respecting our child and being authentic to his needs that we would do about anything to make sure we could continue to offer him the ability to experience life by living day to day in ‘the real world’ and not locked behind a school’s walls where he would have to ask permission (and often be denied) to piss. Where he would be singled out because he is biracial and would be considered ‘at-risk’. Where he would be force fed information not relevant to his life in the present and punished for not testing well. He would be indoctrinated with ‘character education’, which his father and I find absolutely absurd. He would be told that sex is evil and be denied accurate information to keep himself and others safe and healthy. He would be ‘at-risk’ in a school’s care. We are able to ‘do this’, because we want to prevent our son from becoming another blind member of this nation.

As an Anarchist, how can I unschool & other similar ‘opt out’ actions? Aren’t I just adding to the problem?
Please, I am so sick of hearing this point of view. If we really wanted to change the system them we should do it from the inside out. We should have our children enrolled and we should be there volunteering etc etc. You can not change this system of schooling, which we are cursed with; you have to demolish it and start anew. I can not do that by subjecting my child to the shit (big and little) that goes on in schools. I am not oppressing people who ‘are not so privlaged’ by keeping my child out of the system. If there is a will, there is a way. You can fight this too. It isn’t easy and it can mean a lot of self sacrifice…but I guess that’s too much to ask from some of my fellow Anarchists and Feminists. We all do what we can with the knowledge we have at hand and we do better when we are shown better. By not forcing school and all that it entails on my child and my family, I am showing others that there is another way. There is a better way for many out there who are suffering and their children are suffering. My child learns from the actions and words of those around him; so do you and so does everyone else. Stop trying to tell me that in order to be a ‘good Anarchist’ I have to subject my child to the very shit I am fighting against — fuck you!

Can I really be a Feminist and be a Mother?
Yes! Did I want to be a Mother? Yes. Do I think women should have the right to choose when, where and how to have or not have children? Yes. How do I really feel? I think it is wrong and cruel for women to have children they have no intention to raise with respect. I think it is wrong to make decisions for your child that only and always cater to your desires. If having a child (who is very dependent on you) is too much for your wants/needs/desires and too much of an inconvenience on your way of life, then do NOT have children. Do not have children simply because society expects you to have them. Do not have children so that you can pay someone else to raise them to afford you the ‘freedom’ to pursue your own plans. If you are going to give birth and raise a child then know what that means. It doesn’t mean that you will NEVER have your own time or that you can not pursue your own wants. But once you have a child you should realize that the world is no longer only spinning for you, but for you both. Yes, please find friends (or keep old friends) and go out and do things for yourself. Find time to work college, independent study, employment or hobbies into your life, but not in place of being a Mother. You can gain an education, you can work and you can paint without never seeing your children and without needing a partner. It does take work and effort, which as a Mother, I hope you are willing to put forth for your child. Is it possible? Yes, but it is often times fucking painful in a world that is oppressed by Patriarchal systems.

Can you really be a ‘radical’ and embrace/practice Radical Unschooling? Hell yes and you don’t have to be a ‘white, hetero, middle/upper class family’. And if you don’t fit that stereotype, it’s even more important that you take another look at Radical Unschooling. It might be the answer YOUR family has been searching for.

So, do you ever get tired of being asked, “what is unschooling”? Or are you someone who keeps asking but you haven’t found a person who can really put it into words for you? Neither of you are alone! I knew that before I ever conceived my son, I would be ‘educating him at home’ and so did my hubby. I never put much thought into ‘the how’ or really much thought into ‘the why’, but it only felt natural and right.

When I became pregnant, home education is exactly what I focused on…not the fact that I was about to give birth to a child! I started reading and researching everything about homeschooling. I discovered ‘unschooling’. It made sense, because that’s the way I envisioned homeschooling to be in the first place. So, I was rather shocked when I kept finding all these resources online that were VERY ’school-at-home’ orientated. I guess being an Anarchist naturally puts me  at odds with any educational system or theory that uses control of/over children to ‘produce’ results (i.e. an educated child).

I always assumed that what parents did with their children on most days before they were ’school aged’ and then sent away for 4 to 8 hours a day was unschooling. I mean, I know that no one really works at teaching their children how to talk, crawl or walk (barring some special cases) — we kind of have to figure that one out for ourselves in order to be able to communicate and interact with the Universe around us. How would this natural desire to figure things out and to explore our Universe go away if we never knew school? It doesn’t go away…until you go to school. Well, it might not go away completely, because we still (most of us) desire knowledge as adults and we find very non-mainstream ways of acquiring said knowledge at times. I have to admit though, I have been damaged by the public education system and most of those who are near and dear to me can attest to the same. As adults we spend our entire life trying to over come the damage of a childhood full of punishment and praise.

Back to unschooling. Unschooling led me to John Taylor Gatto and if ‘we’ are still naming Saints, then his name should be added to that list! Unschooling makes so much sense to me…why doesn’t it make sense to everyone else. Because everyone else has more faith in ‘experts’ than in themselves, let alone their children…not to mention that most people do not view children as real people with real feelings, thoughts and rights; they are only ’second class’ citizens who can not be trusted and need to be constantly corrected and broken like some kind of wild animal.

Respecting children as though they are real people is step one. Trusting that they know what is better for them than anyone else is step two…because I hope that you know what is better for yourself than anyone else does. Not pushing one’s own agenda onto a child or forcing them to ‘cooperate’ (read: obey without question) because you are selfish and assume that because you are bigger and older you matter more than they do is step three. Step four comes after all that…it’s when true autonomy is respected…not given, because that implies that you could take it away if you wanted. When you do not forbid something, it loses it’s appeal or never gains appeal in the first place — children can and should be trusted with EVERYTHING.

Unschooling…yes, it is in all of this rambling. Once you are at a place where you are able to put into action Steps 1-4, then it only makes sense to NOT enroll your children into ANY kind of school against their will, unless there is ABSOLUTELY NO other option. Children are unschooled from birth (or conception, depending on what team you play for) and there is no magical age at which they stop learning and wanting to learn. And right now, I have to say that if you are still reading this and saying, “yeah that’s nice, but I had to endure school and I came out alright — why shouldn’t my kids be schooled too?”, I have to say you are one selfish person to even suggest that your children deserve to endure the same pain, punishment, pressure and boredom that you endured. People try to defend school by saying that it is some kind of ‘rite of passage’, when all they are doing is trying to rationalize why they are sending their children away — even when their heart aches for them to be home and even when their children are obviously not happy and not succeeding.

I think I could maybe be swayed into believing that the school system has my child’s best interest in mind and might be more equipped to care for their education than I, if and only if, the system’s own report card was not so laughable! And if I didn’t know what the system was really there for in the first place.

Ok, so fine. Hopefully you have gotten through my very biased rant and now you are asking, but ‘how’, if there isn’t a curriculum or plan or goal of some kind in place (but there is). I’ve been trying to explain this one for awhile now. I’ve been trying to really make a fairly concise description and still get everything in there…I can’t do it. But, I can give examples of it in action and I can think of some words and I can share the words of others. One mother in New York, blogs about how she wishes she could be honest about unschooling to fulfill state requirements and she has this to say (extracted from link above):

If I could write something for this IHIP that would actually reflect some of the spirit and scope of unschooling, I would focus on the following four concepts. These are concepts that we encounter in many forms every day and that seem to flow organically from Lucia’s exploration of the world around her.

Concept 1: Information is available and abundant.
Lucia will learn that her community is rich with resources. These include, among others, public libraries, museums, colleges and universities, research centers, nature centers, theatres and performance spaces, galleries, gardens, farms, and religious institutions. She will become comfortable using these resources. Lucia will identify her own interests and learning goals. She will locate and utilize appropriate resources, critically analyze and organize available information, and apply this information in the way that best suits her needs.

Concept 2: There are as many ways to live as there are people on the planet.
Lucia will explore many cultures. She will find that ideas are expressed in many ways: verbal, visual, physical, and sonic. She will experience different concepts of family, friendship, and love. She will understand that lifestyles are shaped by many factors, both internal and external. She will come to recognize that there are many forms of government in place all over the world and that some are more participatory than others. She will develop an idea about personal freedom and individual rights. She will be concerned with issues of social justice because they affect her and the people she cares about - even some she’s never met.

Concept 3: We are part of a natural system.
Lucia will experience her life as part of a dynamic, living system. Evolution is a chance occurrence that happens in response to environmental change. It has no direction and no goal. The idea that humans are somehow separate and distinct from other living things is sorely misguided and is largely responsible for the environmental crisis in which we find ourselves today. The earth existed for billions of years before us, and it will end without us.
But before that happens Lucia will learn that natural resources are finite. Our actions have consequences. Our consumption creates pressures elsewhere. The food that sustains us is a product of the earth. The waste we generate must go somewhere. Lucia will have the power to live as a conscientious steward of the earth. She will help her family strive to reduce our negative impact on nature’s balance. This can be a challenge in our modern, technological society. It requires thought and effort. But a feeling of kinship with nature can only enhance our experience of the world, adding texture, depth, and a sense of fulfillment.

Concept 4: Everything is connected.
Lucia will notice the connections among all of the concepts above. She will see, for example, how access to information affects personal freedom, how cultural belief systems affect people’s attitudes toward the environment, how participation in government can bring about legislation to improve a community’s handling of natural resources. There are countless possibilities. And it is within these connections that Lucia’s true education lies. In making these connections, she will begin to construct new and original ideas of her own.

I can just replace my son’s name wherever ‘Lucia’ appears and I’m done…for the most part! I think this beautifully captures and explains the curriculum part of unschooling, which is LIVING A REAL LIFE and learning from it! I can not really explain it better at the moment.

“But how will they learn XXX or XXX, if they never open a XXX book or never have to raise their hands to ask permission to pee or etc.?” Well, they might not, if they don’t need to. Really, how much of what was forced down your throat during school do you remember? And more importantly, how much have you needed to know to make it ‘in the real world’? If there was a certain subject that you really loved and one that you really hated, those are the two examples that are going to come into your mind right now. The first because you were genuinely interested and the second because you were being forced to ‘learn’ something that had no revelence to your life at the time…maybe you would have been ‘better’ at say math, if you hadn’t had to ‘learn’ it until you were a teenager or out in the ‘real world’ when you needed it.

The REAL World gets a lot of attention when it comes to unschooling and naysayers. As if school is the real world! I haven’t yet come across a situation in the real world yet (mind you I am only 26 at this time), that I have been prepared for because of school. In fact, there were TONS of things that I NEVER learned in school that I have needed out here in the real world that I have had to learn post-school. This doesn’t mean that my parents and other influences in my life didn’t teach me about some of the ‘life lessons’ mentioned in the article linked to, but I wasn’t taught most of them and I can not really remember being taught them in school or if I was, the information wasn’t presented in a manner that was relevant to my present state of being. Most of the things mentioned probably shouldn’t be taught or shouldn’t be expected to be taught in schools…but really, what should schools be ‘teaching’ in the first place? I think all schools should be Free Schools — at least if children are forced into going for whatever reason they’ll have a better chance at coming out the other side practically unschooled in a public manner! Is that really possible?

I’m going to do my best to explain unschooling as this blog progresses along…be patient though, it’s not easy…like most life lessons!

On a side note: I’m fascinated by the number of Radical Unschoolers out there who are not Anarchists (quite a few are Libertarians, so that can count…I guess).

I’ve wanted to take some time to share some thoughts on Authentic Parenting, Non-Coercive Parenting and whatever else you might think to call it. I don’t have the time today, but I just couldn’t let this fantastic post that I found not be mentioned here on my blog. This post pretty much sums up the basics in an example regarding children and teeth brushing.

Enjoy this post and in the next couple of days I will have some more personal thoughts on the matter of trusting our children and not taking away the autonomy that they have a right to.

Learning in Freedom: non-coercive parenting

Cute! Something that I swear most of us unschoolers need. How is it that if it doesn’t sound school-ish then it can not possibly teach a child? Just because you don’t use (or even if you do) all the fancy $5 words to describe what is going on while “blowing bubbles in the garden”, children still have fun and make connections to apply to future experiences. Like for example, next time they see an oily spot on the ground in a parking lot, they might remember the same shimmery effect on the surface of their bubbles. It’s all connected and in their own time they’ll fill in and apply the $5 words to what they always enjoyed as a kid.

This is extracted from: the parenting pit - alternative parenting + unschooling

ACADEMIC TRANSLATOR

For those that unschool and yet have to report to some government agency… or the kids grandparents, why not buy our academic translator? simply say the activity that you have been pursuing (eg. blowing bubbles in the garden) and allow the translator to do its magic, in this case the results were: “todays lesson plan consisted of Chemistry, particularly working with the results of the saponification process from sodium and potassium fatty acid salts; Physics, examing surfactants and the Marangoni effect on liquid surface tension. A side experiment of light wave interference patterns from solar sources through viscous air borne fluids was also pursued.”