Natural Attachment

In recent blog activity, a fellow Anarchist and I had gone back and forth about the difference between rules and principles and about whether or not it’s possible to be a non-coercive parent and not over step your natural bounds. We are on opposite ends of the matter.

I wanted to use this space to share a couple links on the matter. I think it’s important to envision the idea of living by principles rather than rules…I think it’s then that one can see how arbitrary and useless rules and control are. Since my ideas stem first from being a parent with a deep respect for my own intuition, second from our radical unschooling and third because I am an Anarchist…not all of the links are solely about parenting in general, but are about radical unschooling, which is more of a lifestyle choice and really goes beyond parenting and education methods. Find something that you enjoy.

Rules vs. Principles by Danielle Conger  (her entire site is fantastic for unschoolers)

Living by Principles Instead of by Rules (another radical unschooling goldmine website)

Ben Lovejoy on Living by Principles instead of by Rules

Control and its related problems

Where is the edge of unschooling? (more about control, regulating & rules)

Holly’s expressions of surprise and disbelief

Logic and Parenting

Freedom/Choices/Empowerment/Respect

I realize there is a lot here, but I could offer a lot more. Reflection is key and I know that before the ‘ah ha’ moment happened for me, I was a much more stressed out and plain old bitchy Mother. I am still learning and more importantly starting to rewrite all of the negative parenting & interacting with people that I inherited from my environment growing up.

I just thought that since a reader of this blog decided to post about me and my house’s “shoes off at the door policy”, I would be kind enough to link to it for others.

Can Punks have a shoes-off policy?

Well, can they?

On further examination of my beliefs regarding this, I find that it’s not really a rule at our house, but just one aspect of a principle that we live by. We want to show respect to other people and their effects…showing our respect by removing our shoes to help cut down on dirt in their house is very respectful. We tend to only treat others in such a way that we are comfortable with people treating us. On the same note, I don’t feel disrespected when someone doesn’t remove their shoes at my door…maybe I would if they were to make it an issue that they weren’t going to remove their shoes.

My comment I left regarding the matter:

Hey, you’re talking about me — but in a nice way!

You know, coming from an ‘elbows on the table are OK’ kind of person, I can see what you are saying about whether or not persons with an antiauthoritarian mindset can request that shoes be removed at the door.

However, it is a request in our house and not a requirement. Here’s what we like and what we do…no one is going to send you back out the door if you don’t follow. Tis different from someone mistreating my child or husband, in my eyes.

However, all of our friends (who might label themselves in a manner similar to us) have the same shoes off at the door ritual that we have, so it is just second nature for them when they come over.

At parties and other large gatherings, there are usually so many people there who take their shoes off out of habit that it’s hard for one to ignore the pile-o-shoes at the door. Any person not familiar with a shoes off ‘policy’ would almost feel compelled to comply without ever being asked.

You bring up a good question. Even if myself and persons like me were to ‘require’ shoes off at the door, I can’t imagine it really being ‘called out’ or questioned. It does warrant some thought.

So, what are your thoughts on the matter?